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"You tell me not to judge myself, or people on how they look, Mamma, but what about the fact that you judge yourself all the time?" Asks a daughter.
“You tell me not to judge myself, or people on how they look, Mamma, but what about the fact that you judge yourself all the time?” Asks a daughter.
Dearest Mamma
I write to you to talk of your untold and invisible loads, that I think, heavily weigh you down. Sometimes I wish I could carry them for you. In those moments I rush to give you a hug, but mostly I feel you are unwilling to pass them on to me.
Maybe because you love your daughter so much that you never want her to go through the oppressive demands of life. And yet, today I feel the need to let you know that unknowingly you hand me down the burden to stay ‘forever young’.
No, you never tell me this in so many words. On the contrary you have often said that beauty is merely a perception and we must rise above the constraints of physical charm. I, too, would love to believe this and live free…Oh! So free.
But then, on some days when I see you harrowed by the grey streaks that line your temples, I begin to believe that it’s not beautiful to grow old. I fear that I may not be loved enough the day I sport those silver lines.
Only the other day you slammed a friend who body shamed another. I am so proud of you for doing that. But whenever you get on and off the weighing machine, I sense your discomfort. And I tell myself therein lies my worth.
You always compliment dadi for her graceful charm and there is this ‘grow old gracefully’ phrase that you often quote. But then, I also witness how a single crease on the face doubles your anxiety and you begin to search for home remedies to prolong what will eventually befall us all.
Mom, I don’t even think you realise that you carry this perceptible burden which takes away so much of that space in which you could breathe for being just you. You are quick to tell me that we mustn’t be judging people for the way they look. But I see you judging yourself, each day, as you peep into the mirror.
I grow watching you struggle to win this race against time. And it makes me think that I’m leaving my best years behind. Your songs of liberation sound sweet to my ears. But I know I will forget them very soon. What I will remember is how you lived, and the day you let go of this unseen burden that I call ‘forever young’ you will set both of us free!
Your darling daughter.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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