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Stay at home parents - usually the moms - do not have an 'easy life'. Respecting each other and the work they do, whether in or outside the home, is essential to create a truly happy family.
Stay at home parents – usually the moms – do not have an ‘easy life’. Respecting each other and the work they do, whether in or outside the home, is essential to create a truly happy family.
It felt like I live in a Utopian world when I decided to replace the much-expected word ‘Mom’ with ‘Parent’ in the headline. But I also despise myself in equal measure, to have begun the article by recounting, that even today the discussion around gender-based roles in the context of a family holds so much significance. Though gender inequality is a menace prevalent in all walks of our lives, yet what we see inside our homes, where we are surrounded by our own family members, is far more ironical and dichotomous.
We have very triumphantly shed away the traditional and embraced the modern ways of living. We have smart homes, we have grown to place our trust in Machine Learning and Artificial Intelligence. But we have miserably failed to even scratch the surface of an issue that has been staring right in our face since time immemorial.
It’s never a moment of epiphany for any of us when we witness these disparities breaking the emotional and psychological walls of our so-called modern homes. That is because we have been deeply conditioned to think like this and to no one’s surprise we also refuse to push back, question and challenge any of it. It’s so ingrained in our thought process that it has become a blind spot for everyone involved in the process.
The result is that the lion’s share of managing a household workload continues to be borne by the ‘women of the family.’ This is irrespective of the fact as to whether they have a full-time day job, outside or inside the premise of their homes.
We increasingly encourage our young girls to chase their dreams and become financially independent. But we are also quite organically missing out on making our young boys independent too. This is especially true when it comes to sharing household responsibilities. I would rather say that the modern day men, who pitch in household work, definitely need and deserve an appreciation. This is because they do it against all odds of societal expectations of being born as a Man.
It is time that we start questioning and neutralising these archaic concepts. We can do so by consciously developing a perspective and stepping outside the set boundaries of the patriarchial system.
Now hold on to your thoughts if you are expecting some sob story from the seemingly underprivileged partner and the ‘stay-at-home-parent’ that I am to my daughter. It is merely a testimony to the fact that I narrated above. We need to look inward and see what examples are we truly setting in front of our kids with regards to gender equality and feminism.
This article intends to address only those sets of ‘better-halves’ who have no idea about what their partners (parents) are up to when they themselves are out working hard at their workplaces. That, of course, gets food on the table. However, it also creates a lack of empathy for their partners who run the complete show of managing the household that as much belongs to them also. They are someone, who happily take the liberty to feel entitled but also constantly judge their partners to be “naggers.” It even defies all scientific data that proves that women fare better than men on multitasking and juggling between a multitude of roles.
So, what really is “not right“?
Have we ever wondered – why do our partners nag?
What can we do to help the situation or make them feel better?
Well, I have a limited experience of having an independently managed nuclear family of my own for over a decade. I have played the roles of both a wife (who had a full-time day job) and now a ‘mother’ (who stays at home and pursues her passion because of a supportive partner). I have tried to put down my thoughts, a few simple gestures and efforts, that could help. This also stems from the fact that I and my partner have grown and evolved in our relationship over the years. We have learned from situations that life threw at us, basically tried to understand what each one of us could have done to break any sort of a ‘glass ceiling’ in our family.
This also helped us realise the fact that the only passion of a stay-at-home-partner isn’t just to stay at home and manage the household. It is a lot more than that. It can be perceived only if we keep an open mind and are able to adapt.
Please read further – only with an open mind.
Well, this list isn’t infinite, and that makes it workable, right?
They say it takes a village to bring up a child. Some of you might be lucky to have a constant support system- a village, to come to your rescue. But if you are not, then it is all the more reason to become a real ‘partner-in-life’ to your wife now, isn’t it? Someone, that she could give examples about, to her gang of girls when she goes out on a coffee date with them. She could take a mommy break, while you enjoy your date with the kid(s) back at home or anywhere else.
Doesn’t it paint an image of the family that ‘Lived Happily Ever After’ in your mind?
Top image is a scene from the Hindi movie Tumhari Sulu
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I am Tanu – I am a Light Worker – A Certified Spiritual Coach, Usui Reiki Master & a Past Life Regression Therapist.
I love to write and can spend an incessant amount of time in nature. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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She would serve everyone fresh food and serve herself the stale rice and curries from the previous meal. Some days after finishing the leftovers she was so full she would not even be able to even taste the fresh food.
When I married the first time, my MIL told me that during the Navratri the lady of the house should not eat stale food. ‘Gharatlya bai ni shila khau naye’ — in refined upper caste Marathi.
I was just 26, eager to please, not versed in patriarchy or feminism, and it seemed like a positive thing — respect for the goddess in woman.
But soon I realised she spent the remaining 356 days of her year finishing leftovers. And that I was expected to do the same.
In an unequal world with fewer women in the workforce, and facing gender pay gaps everywhere, negotiating salary can be an essential skill.
The thought of negotiating salary can be daunting, especially for women. Here are the six steps to achieve favourable outcomes from salary negotiations.
*Names changed on request to protect privacy.
I stared at the offer letter. The company had offered me a 20% increase over my current compensation – the lower end of the range I had conveyed after two gruelling interview rounds. There was a further devil in the details; they had included gratuity in the compensation offered, whereas I had not considered this component in my take-home calculations.