On Father’s Day, a daughter writes a heartfelt tribute to her father, whom she lost five years ago. This one will touch the farthest corners of your heart.
Being a writer by profession, I have wanted to write this for some time now, but writer’s block got in the way. After all, we use characters to bare our souls. Writing about ourselves is slightly more difficult!
It’s been five years since I lost my father. While every day brings back memories of him in some way or the other, days like Father’s Day drive the loss home even more.
Growing up, I don’t even remember celebrating ‘Father’s Day’. Did I really take time out to make a card or buy a gift? Yet, the third Sunday in June now brings poignant reminders of the relationship I shared with him and the man I miss so very much.
To say that he meant the world to me seems so inadequate. Sifting through my memories over the years, I can’t pinpoint a favorite one but what stands out is the fact that he was ALWAYS there, with advice, with a hand to hold and always with my best interests at heart. Being an educationist meant he would have to attend meetings every year in January and would always be away on my birthday. And every year, I would receive a telegram and a bouquet of red roses from whichever part of India he was in. I made him stay back for the milestone ones of course…the 13th, the 16th, the 18th, the 21st….and as I approached my 40th…all that really hit home( apart from the fact that I was hitting the big 40 !! ) was how he wasn’t here for this milestone of mine.
A friend told me when she lost her mother–‘losing a parent leaves a parent sized hole in your heart’. Truer words were never spoken. I think what I miss the most is him not being there. Not seeing my son grow up, not seeing me grow as a person, not there on days when I feel that only he would understand what I am going through. Time moves swiftly and with it the harsh reality that while we grieve for our loved ones…Life does go on. In so many ways, as I grow older, I tend to think of what he’d say or do in a particular situation and try to remember the clear, level headed person he was and (hope) that I get to that stage some day.
And as another Father’s Day approaches, I find myself thinking more of him and the person he was and the values I imbibed from him. It makes me proud to see the legacy he has left behind – both personally and professionally. He touched the lives of people the world over and to me that is something that will always remain.
I attended a funeral the other day and while condoling with the daughter, she said to me,” You were quite young when you lost your Dad, weren’t you?” I replied, “Ummm…it was 5 years ago”, to which her answer was, “So you must have been quite young, right?!” I moved away with a lump in my throat, overwhelmed and touched that she, who was past 60, took the time to reach out and say that to me. And then it hit me. You’re never young enough or old enough to lose your Dad. That’s the crux of it all.
As I wake up tomorrow morning, while my heart will be filled with sadness of him not being with me, I will remember the loving and kind father he was to me and remain as always grateful that I was blessed to have had him as my father. He was the best ever.
So Happy Father’s Day, Daddy – I miss you more than I can say.
Image via Pixabay
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Melanie Lobo is a freelance writer. She grew up in cities across India but now
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