My (Adopted) Daughter – Let Me Tell You About My Joy When I First Held Her

The first time I saw and held my daughter, she was not yet legally ours, but I had no doubt that she held my heart in her tiny hands.

My daughter is a child born from my heart. She didn’t grow within me and yet she is so much a part of me. Her breath, skin and cells are a part of ME.

My darling, beautiful, adopted daughter – she is ME.

One year has gone by, and it just feels like yesterday: when we were doing our couple tête-à-tête, filling out numerous forms, taking copies, talking to friends, leaning on them for support,… and the list is endless. And now she is 1. So many sleepless nights, the post-adoption depression, the dry Bangalore summer, my full-time contractual assignment with a startup, sab kuch ullta pullta. Life has a funny way of throwing so many curveballs at the same time. But we thrived – my adopted daughter and I, together.

Adopting was the right choice for us, and I cannot imagine life without my darling.

Holding her always remains an electric moment, just the way it was that first time. She looked like a dumpling made of homemade butter when my eyes first fell on her perfect face. I don’t think I have ever felt more elated in my life. She looked beautiful in the fleece blanket that was swaddled around her, despite the weather being a 42 degree furnace. She smiled with her thumb struck like a popsicle in her mouth, a guarded smile. As if she knew what the challenges we had.

I spent that day holding her, admiring her perfection, and hoping that she would be my daughter. The feeling of her fragile weight on my chest was precious, indescribable. And after that day, I did not want to leave her there even for a second. My daughter belonged at our home. But we had to complete the formalities before we could  take her home legally. She resided in my heart and became a part of our family.

The past year flew away in perfecting the balancing act of trying to hold her to be comfortable, be comfortable myself, and not letting her cry. It still remains a challenge.

The past year hasn’t been easy. Like any new parent will tell you, it involved many sleepless nights and juggling acts. Adopting was certainly the right choice for us, and I cannot imagine life without my darling.

Published here earlier.

manjuram

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