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Lives I Would Have Killed [#ShortStory]

After finishing the discussion, both of them walked towards me. My mother-in-law looked at me and said, “You’ll have to abort the girls.”

After finishing the discussion, both of them walked towards me. My mother-in-law looked at me and said, “You’ll have to abort the girls.”

I was five months pregnant. My in-laws were extremely excited as they were expecting the first baby boy of their eldest son. Yes baby boy!!

My mother-in-law was always engaged in protecting me from all the crap she called “buri nazar” (some negative vibes). I was afraid – what if it is a girl? I was sure if this happens they will ask me to kill her.

Finally the fateful day arrived when my family took me to a doctor for the prenatal sex determination. I was nervous, in a panic, and apprehensive of the results of the test, and sat impatiently outside the medical room.

After a long time, the doctor arrived and announced,”You have twin girls.” It came as a thunderbolt to my family. For a few seconds my mother-in-law didn’t utter a word. She sat back on her heels. Recuperating from her shock, she took my husband Ibrahim aside and discussed something. I watched my husband listening silently to his mother. He was tight-lipped. I knew of their evil plans.

After finishing the discussion, both of them walked towards me. My mother-in-law looked at me and said, “You’ll have to abort the girls.” I was dumb struck. I felt a stabbing pain. I thought of the tiny faces, hands and legs. My blood ran cold. Gathering all my strength I said, “Mummy Ji…!”

She gave me a stern look and said, “I had already told you I need a boy.” I tried to plead with her and said, “Mummy Ji, I have beautiful lives inside me. How can I kill them?”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. But I knew this wasn’t the time to shed tears. In fact it was the only time when I could save my girls.

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I pleaded with Ibrahim and his mother. Ibrahim didn’t even look at me and said, ”Do as my mother says or else I will…” Hearing this I demanded, “What you’ll? Tell me… Just tell me…!” I shouted, crying.

“I will leave you,” he said.  How easily he said this! All those promises, commitments and understandings came to a bitter end. I cried thinking how easily Ibrahim left me.

I had to decide between my husband and my unborn children. I knew it would be hard. Even the society could label my children according to their self-claimed ideologies. I realized I would have to deal with this all alone.

With all my courage I decided I will not kill my children. My mother-in-law reminded me of all the neglect and emotional, physical abuse girls’ face in Indian society. But I stood strong with my determination. They left me in the hospital. I cried out my heart.

I underwent depressing isolation. Life turned silent and each day brought incredible hardships. People would express their sympathy for me, and some would say it with twisted shame. At time I was unhappy. But I learnt to live for my to-be-daughters and embraced all kinds of financial and emotional distress.

After three and half months I was rushed to a hospital where I gave birth to two beautiful girls. Seeing my daughters I cried. These were tears of mixed emotions – joy and sadness. I held them tightly in my arms. This was the best feeling in the world.

I felt proud of myself, that I could do this in the face the social stigma. I was all alone that day but I knew I had someone who will call me MOM someday.

Published here earlier.

Image source: pixabay

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Manpreet Kaur

Ardent reader and enthusiast who loves to speak her heart out. read more...

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