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The pain of a separation or a divorce can make us put taking care of ourselves on the back burner, when that is so essential for coming out of it whole.
As we are all painfully aware, the first thing we tend to neglect when going through divorce is learning how to take really good care of ourselves.
I remember the first weeks of my separation, as I was desperately trying to expunge everything in my apartment that reminded me of my husband and our marriage, forgetting to eat. I’d have lunch, but then the next thing I knew it was 1:30 in the morning sitting on my closet floor, being so absorbed in all the drama with my adrenaline pumping, that I hadn’t eaten for over 12 hours.
And I’m someone who usually loves food.
I also remember hardly sleeping those first few months after my now-ex moved out. It would be 3:00 in the morning and I’d still be hunched over my computer, reading about separation agreements, totally forgetting that I had to get up in less than four hours to go to work.
Those days seem like a blur, but I’m sure you have experienced similar bouts during your divorce.
Being so caught up in other things – trying to navigate through the emotional, logistical, financial, and legal struggle – is normal (although unhealthy) behavior during divorce, but here’s the problem with forget to take care of ourselves in the process:
Failing to be kind to ourselves sets a dangerous precedent as we try to recover from divorce. It’s dangerous when we don’t treat ourselves better, we train our minds our minds to think that we don’t deserve rest, relaxation, and kindness.
And that type of toxic learned behavior won’t just go away once the divorce papers are signed. Without mindful intervention, not putting ourselves first will make taking our lives back and learning how to move on post-divorce even more difficult.
So why has it come to this?
The two main reasons we don’t take better care of ourselves during divorce deal with how we feel.
Never feel guilty about allowing yourself to rest. Or get a massage. Or to say “no” to someone or something, especially if it is toxic.
When many of us hear self care, we thing that means some luxurious expensive spa resort that we simply cannot afford – something complicated, expensive, and unattainable.
But it doesn’t have to mean that. Treating ourselves better can be as easy as going to a yoga class. Or going to a salon for a pedicure. Or not cooking tonight and instead ordering take-out that we absolutely love. Or reading a really good book while you soak in the tub.
It’s all about starting small, and and giving yourself something wonderful to look forward to.
When we fail to do even this simple act for ourselves, we make one of the biggest mistakes to our recovery.
We do not understand that self care = self preservation
You may think that you’re too busy to take time and do something for yourself. You may think that you’re doing just fine and don’t need any of those things. However, not only does self-care make you feel good, it is also necessary for your mental and emotional well-being, especially when you are recovering from divorce.
Sometimes, putting ourselves first can be easier said than done, especially when you’re trying to juggle everything else going on. But remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pexels
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Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce coach whose website, Surviving Your Split, helps women navigate their divorce with less stress and drama so they can move on with their lives. For your free Divorce Warrior Survival read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
Recent footage of her coming out of an airport had comments preaching karma and its cruel ways, that Samantha "deserved her illness" because she filed for divorce.
Samantha Ruth Prabhu fell from being the public’s sweetheart to a villain overnight because she filed for divorce. The actress was struck with myositis post divorce, much to the joy of certain groups (read sexist) in our society.
A troll responded to Samantha’s tweet, “Women Rising!!” by adding to it “just to fall”. She replied, “Getting back up makes it all the more sweeter, my friend.”
Here’s another insensitive tweet by BuzZ Basket showing fake concern for her autoimmune disease. “Feeling sad for Samantha, she lost all her charm and glow. When everyone thought she came out of divorce strongly and her professional life was seeing heights, myositis hit her badly, making her weak again.” Samantha responded, “I pray you never have to go through months of treatment and medication like I did. And here’s some love from me to add to your glow.”
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