Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
We wish to have freedom from social expectations, to not have to bother about others’ opinions of you. How practical is it? And what can you do?
We often feel chained. These chains are often not visible to us or others. They are binding just the same. Our spirits feel strangled.
Look for your freedom in every situation. What are the situations which weigh us down?
Let us take a look at what kills the inner peace and few nuggets of wisdom. It’s not in the bigger situations which hurt but smaller ones that eat up with the byproducts of Guilt and Remorse.
See mentally how you feel about each situation and look at it realistically, philosophically and with maturity.
Establishing your sanity is the most important aspect.
A simple line goes a long way. “Your happiness and sense of command goes a long way in feeling free.”
Look at your spending patterns honestly and decide where the funds are needed most. Spend with a free heart not a heavy heart.
If you have a weekend plan which is your recoup plan. Stick to it. Being noble in sacrificing your time to grace others and being tired is unwise. Period!
If an outfit kinda hugs your heart but not the eye of another, well they simply must learn to look the other way. It is called being ‘comfortable’ with self. No one has the right to impose their sense of dressing unless you explicitly ask for it.
Similarly, your abode is yours! You, I am sure, clean it from time to time and sometimes, well due to ill health or busy schedule, it is neglected. You will attend to it when you have enough energy. That is your lookout altogether. Giving that right to comment also is a prerogative you may forward.
Until then, folks should learn to keep their opinions to themselves. With your cool attitude you must communicate the jibes go bonkers. It jibes for you catch it. Let it go without touching an inch of you. Those jibes will lose power.
An arena where you put your assertive foot loud and heavy is when your private relationship is at the dice. Do not allow it. Be vocal and clear about what is not appreciated and absolutely not permissible. Words like ‘unmodern’ or ‘orthodox’ should be simply not purchased. Say No and mean it. Draw a line and allow no crossover.
Of course I hear the chorus of ‘consequences’. You may point out the horrendous results you face…Like what?
Ask why should their sulking make ‘you’ uncomfortable? Give them some space to overcome the shock they have received at your new Avataar! Let them be. They will come around!
Cast more jibes
If you stop reacting, what utility does this form of ‘put down’ have?
If it suits you to respond, do. But in the long run a clear “I do not appreciate this” is far more effective than returning their jibes.
Delete your name from invites
Social ostracism is your worst fear, or ganging up probably. You do not wish to be alone. You need to be accepted. You are a social animal after all!
NOW, a rethink is needed! Being with others who constantly get you down or Being in a space where you can uplift yourself is a better choice? If you choose company that jibes that is a choice and you do not have to read this but if second choice is appealing then;
Call your shots, balance with assertive cooperation and be a resource when you are around! No one likes a resentful, silent grouchy bear for company. That is what you will be if you respond with submissiveness to imposed behaviour.
Moral of the long story is – your life, time, house and body are yours alone. Opinions of others must be considered; even pondered over but ultimately look for a smile within. Light up your life with free spirit that makes you fly and not weigh you down, chained and tied.
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Published here earlier.
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Blogger, Teacher, Spiritual Healer. Endeavors to establish Women's dignity by effective assertion and active
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