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So you have a working daughter who is married, and earns for herself. What about the money your daughter earns? Who has a right to a daughter’s money?
We are in the 21st century, where women have moved from managing kitchen chores to office chores. They are bonafide earning members of the family now. However, these women are facing a dilemma today. The money they earn – whom does it belong to? The car, house or any other valuables they must have bought before marriage with some or no help from their parents, whom does it belong to after marriage? What if they want to give a part of their salary to her parents even after marriage? Will it be ok with her new family? Will her parents accept it?
Many people have realized, that education provides confidence and independence to a girl, needed if faced with dire consequences. So, thankfully, many girls are being educated today. You can see the pride, if their daughters are scaling new heights in their career.
However, many of them do not use their daughter’s money for their household expense. They either save it or invest it for their own daughter’s future. Some might use it for her own marriage, some might not even do that. Educating the daughter is their duty, but they do not believe they have a right on their daughter’s hard earned money. A message is silently passed on to their daughters, “You are only my duty but I have no right on you”.
We call ourselves progressive, but we never get rid of the concept of girl being ‘Paraya Dhan’. The word ‘Kanyadaan‘ itself indicates giving away. As soon as a girl is born, if a family is not dejected, deep in their heart they prepare themselves for the day when they will give away their beautiful daughter.
Is not ‘Kanyadaan’ objectifying women? Is she an object or a piece of land to be given away? Marriage is about two people spending their life together, why is it made to be about a girl leaving her birth family?
There are many girls who financially support their family. However, once she is married, the right on her money is assumed to be transferred to her husband and his family. If the husband’s family is good, they would say, “You know we allow her to help her family. After all they are her parents. We are not orthodox you know”.
Who gave you the right to allow or not allow? It is her money, and she alone has the right to decide what to do with it! The way, a girl’s parent has no right on your son’s income, similarly you don’t have any right on your DIL’s income.
There are so many women who help their parents secretly because their in-laws won’t like it or worse, they might one day taunt her parents. Many parents seek help from their daughter secretly because they feel ashamed of letting the society know about it. It will hurt their so-called image in the society. Funnily, our society cribs if a son doesn’t take care of his parents but daughter has no such obligation. And if daughter takes care of their parents, they are labelled as – ‘Son’
By imparting education to our daughters, we have crossed one barrier. But true equality would be achieved when we treat our daughters with exactly same expectation as we treat our son. When you will truly believe that your daughter is also an integral part of your family irrespective of her marital status, the way your son is.
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Published here earlier.
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A software engineer ,who loves to travel.A writer by heart.
Very well written. Even though we say our society is progressive in fact we are far from it!
Thank You Sonia.Yes we have a very long bridge to cross.
Wow, what a focus on a long overdue topic! I had some pre-marriage savings in “Dollars” living in the U.S., so as soon as I got married, my brilliant husband and his finance savvy brother had a “great” idea to invest it in the NRI account to yield great return. Did I know of the great return?…none of it! But the point is I could not deny the “suggestion” of handing over the money for the fear of looking greedy and controlling…yet that is exactly what they were doing. I was fooled then…but when they were asking me to pay for his ticket to come join me (he worked as a contractor for ONGC, in other words, loaded), I said if he can’t pay for the tickets, he does not need to come! This shock paved my way to a smoother life.
Its good that you realized soon and took a good decision.
I disagree with this. We are a struggling family and I am asked to support my parents, my wife’s parents even when both are working so hard. I did not marry to marry a debt and pay off struggles by sacrificing my happiness. *Successfully Divorced* Before you comment such articles think about the background of the situation of most families please.
Both boys and girls are born equal. The parents of both boys and girls love their child and do their best for them. Girls and boys love their parents as well. All are human beings. Why should anything change after marriage. If there is love in marriage, there should be love enough for all family members. Our duty towards our children or our parents must come from our love. Love one another.
Very true!! If parents have taken a step ahead and crossed barriers of society (unneeded barriers) by making their daughter an independent person then one more step has to be taken by breaking the so-called myth of kanyadan and paraya dhan and let her decide to take her own stand. Not only this, the myth from her in-laws about the notion that their daughter-in-law has broken all the relations from her parents have to be removed for better modern society to develop not only technologically but also developing culturally. This is one of the notion which has to be removed there are many others which are waiting to be changed…
Why Does A Married Woman Still Need Permission From In-Laws To Do Anything For Her Parents?
6 Things Parents Should Tell Daughters Before They Get Married
I Dream Of My Daughter’s Marriage Too, But Just A Little Differently…
A Married Daughter Should Be Able To Take Care Of Her Parents Too, Not Just In-Laws!
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