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So you have a daughter who is married, and earns for herself. What about the money your daughter earns? Who has a right to a daughter's money?
So you have a working daughter who is married, and earns for herself. What about the money your daughter earns? Who has a right to a daughter’s money?
We are in the 21st century, where women have moved from managing kitchen chores to office chores. They are bonafide earning members of the family now. However, these women are facing a dilemma today. The money they earn – whom does it belong to? The car, house or any other valuables they must have bought before marriage with some or no help from their parents, whom does it belong to after marriage? What if they want to give a part of their salary to her parents even after marriage? Will it be ok with her new family? Will her parents accept it?
Many people have realized, that education provides confidence and independence to a girl, needed if faced with dire consequences. So, thankfully, many girls are being educated today. You can see the pride, if their daughters are scaling new heights in their career.
However, many of them do not use their daughter’s money for their household expense. They either save it or invest it for their own daughter’s future. Some might use it for her own marriage, some might not even do that. Educating the daughter is their duty, but they do not believe they have a right on their daughter’s hard earned money. A message is silently passed on to their daughters, “You are only my duty but I have no right on you”.
We call ourselves progressive, but we never get rid of the concept of girl being ‘Paraya Dhan’. The word ‘Kanyadaan‘ itself indicates giving away. As soon as a girl is born, if a family is not dejected, deep in their heart they prepare themselves for the day when they will give away their beautiful daughter.
Is not ‘Kanyadaan’ objectifying women? Is she an object or a piece of land to be given away? Marriage is about two people spending their life together, why is it made to be about a girl leaving her birth family?
There are many girls who financially support their family. However, once she is married, the right on her money is assumed to be transferred to her husband and his family. If the husband’s family is good, they would say, “You know we allow her to help her family. After all they are her parents. We are not orthodox you know”.
Who gave you the right to allow or not allow? It is her money, and she alone has the right to decide what to do with it! The way, a girl’s parent has no right on your son’s income, similarly you don’t have any right on your DIL’s income.
There are so many women who help their parents secretly because their in-laws won’t like it or worse, they might one day taunt her parents. Many parents seek help from their daughter secretly because they feel ashamed of letting the society know about it. It will hurt their so-called image in the society. Funnily, our society cribs if a son doesn’t take care of his parents but daughter has no such obligation. And if daughter takes care of their parents, they are labelled as – ‘Son’
By imparting education to our daughters, we have crossed one barrier. But true equality would be achieved when we treat our daughters with exactly same expectation as we treat our son. When you will truly believe that your daughter is also an integral part of your family irrespective of her marital status, the way your son is.
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Published here earlier.
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A software engineer ,who loves to travel.A writer by heart. read more...
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My house-help asked excitedly, “I am going for wedding. Can you let me wear your red & black saree? To be honest I was stumped for a moment; I didn’t know what to say but I still said yes.
I lent a gorgeous saree to my house-help for a wedding in her family. Soon I stated getting questions if I would wear that saree again or if I was okay to be seen wearing the same saree my house-help was wearing?
We are all so conditioned to give our used clothes to our house-helps but are we okay to wear the clothes they were wearing?
A few days ago she came excitedly to me, “I am going for a family wedding. I want to wear your red & black saree, Ill wash and give it to you after the function. Please can you let me wear it?”
Beauty is a very clever, very evil capitalist tool. It traps those who have it into hanging on to it for dear life and those who don't into mutilating, torturing themselves to achieve the unachievable.
I recently wrote a piece about MP Shashi Tharoor’s tweet in which he had shared a pic with six women parliamentarians tagging them and saying “Who says the Lok Sabha isn’t an attractive place to work?”
There was a rash of comments on the post shared on Instagram, which ranged from “chill, it’s just a compliment” and “stop overthinking compliments”, to (worried) men lamenting about “these feminazi”.
Here’s my answer to all those comments.
I refuse to be put at a 'disadvantage' just because I'm the parent of a girl. It is time we looked differently at marriage and its traditions.
I refuse to be put at a ‘disadvantage’ just because I’m the parent of a girl. It is time we looked differently at marriage and its traditions.
As an “Indian” mother of a daughter I “must” start thinking about my daughter’s marriage since the birth of my child. When the news of a girl child being born is given in Indian society – the image of lakhs of money given as gift to groom’s family comes to mind, maybe kilos of gold of donation and of course the vidaai ceremony of the daughter who is just a day old in your hands… but is this how it should be in a modern society?
Let me share a little instance with you all – I was sitting with a friend of mine who “fortunately” is a mother of a “boy”, having some normal chit chat over tea.
Leaving her parents’ home after marriage and going to her in laws' home should be a woman’s decision. It shouldn't be forced upon her in the name of tradition.
Leaving her parents’ home after marriage and going to her in laws’ home should be a woman’s decision. It shouldn’t be forced upon her in the name of tradition.
The cry of Indian women! It is tragic that a daughter must move out of her own palace (her sweet home) and away from her parents’ home after marriage.
It is a matter of overwhelming joy that a lot of parents in the current generation have stopped differentiating between a son and a daughter. They give equal rights and the same amount of freedom to both girls and boys, but there is a catch! For the daughter, her freedom ends after her marriage. Post marriage, a girl’s freedom gets seriously curtailed; the decision to leave her parents’ home after marriage is often forced upon her and is not of her own free will.