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Some mothers suffer from postpartum depression, and it can be frightening. But it is something that nobody wants to talk about!
For starters, I had not wanted to write about this topic. Writing about it would mean ripping my heart open, exposing my deepest fears out to the world. Yet, I decided it was time to talk about it when another woman decided to kill herself instead of simply talking about it.
Allison Goldstein, a 32-year-old teacher who was a new mother to a 4-month old baby girl. She had everything going for her; she was beautiful, talented and a great human being. One day, out of the blue, she decided to kill herself. Nobody saw it coming, but it is said that she was a victim of PPD – postpartum depression.
When I discussed it with my mom, she blinked – what had depression got to do with being a mother? For someone who has had an easy motherhood, it was hard to grasp the concept of PPD being very real. Though it is being widely discussed in the US as being a real disease, India is yet to accept its existence.
Since ages, it is assumed that because an Indian mother is always helped to care for her newborn, the chances of her slipping into postpartum depression are slim to none. The Indian culture of having family for support at this crucial time, is by far the most grateful gift a woman can ask for.
Yet, there are cases where new moms are going through PPD silently, and most of us push through the pain. Nobody talks about it for fear of being judged, for fear of being guilty, for fear of being a bad mom, for fear of feeling inadequate. We don’t want to admit that there are times when we simply want to walk away from everything only to get our minds clear. I have had a few moms discuss with me about how depressing their lives are and how scary it is to admit to oneself the truth of living a monotonous life.
There have been times when I have been terribly scared to care for this little human being, there have been times when I have simply wanted to curl into a ball and hide, there have been times when I have simply wanted to talk about my fears to someone. In fact, I have wrestled with feelings of hopelessness on a number of days. However, thanks to a wonderful husband, supportive family and darling friends, I have never been an emotional wreck.
Do these feelings make us bad moms? No, they don’t. The fact that we are being judged from day one of our motherhood, tells that we are already under lot of pressure as we strive to be the perfect parent.
Sadly, life isn’t a series of smiling photographs that we post on social media. Life, is much more than that.
Sometimes, a mom just needs help. There is simply nothing wrong in asking for help. It doesn’t make her a weaker person if she asks for help. It isn’t a sign of weakness to talk about fears.
But for long, we have been told not to confess our feelings, because it is assumed that motherhood should be a wonderful phase which has to be celebrated by all means. Though it is the most beautiful phase for a woman to live in, there are these bouts of depression that sometimes loom over moms. If you have been lucky to get help, it is the greatest gift a mother can hope for.
If you or anybody else is going through a tough time, please reach out for help. Be aware that you are a strong mom, always wishing the best for her child. It is a mark of strength to ask for help.
If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call.
Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669
Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050
Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704
Sahai, Bangalore: 080–25497777
Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock
Being a compulsive reader with a passion for writing, Chital Mehta believes that life is a gift that has to be cherished every minute. She is passionate about love stories for she believes love is read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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