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Is It A Lack Of Tolerance In Us That We Cannot Get Along With Certain Types As We Grow Older?

Posted: July 12, 2016

Age is said to make one more tolerant, but sometimes we find a distinct lack of tolerance growing within. 

People ‘pleasers’ – is what we humans are – instinctively. And there is nothing sinister about it.

Parents’ expectations mean a lot to a child because she needs to please them, keep them happy. Maybe because there is a return value to those expectations or maybe just because they are the most important twosome of his or her life and acceptability from them means the world to the child.

As and how one grows older, peers and the society in general has a lot of say in one’s choices and even behavior. There is always a rush to meet expectations – those of teachers, bosses, spouse etc.

However, there is a certain stage in all our lives when we slowly but surely start caring less for some categories of persona.

People who are indifferent

To pursue something unachievable comes naturally to most of us. When it is about ambition to achieve our creative choices it is fulfilling, but when it is about pursuing people who are indifferent it is a futile endeavor.

At some point in time, with a lot of experience, we do realize the futility of it and such people cease to hold any kind of place in our lives.

People who challenge our views

The days of our youth are often filled with trying to debate, argue and convince people whose views clash ours. A reason to that might be because at that age, we are pretty idealist as far as our views are concerned. We can spend hours justifying them and hope that one day we can convert the person sitting opposite us.

An older wiser us slowly ignores completely people who challenge our views – vocally or with an attitude.

We tend to form our own village of people – people whom we can talk to without having to handle uncomfortable situations even when views are different.

People who fall below our ‘goodness’ quotient

Blame it on genes or environment, but all of us come with varying degrees of the good bad and ugly traits. None spared.

However, with time, folks who don’t return our feelings and treatment in approximately the same measure, fall out of our village. We all love and yearn to be loved. And with age, the only people we choose to have around us who make us feel adequately wanted.

People who fall way below our intellectual cravings

Our friends, our family and our network is all about people whom we can talk to, share with. No doubt, all of us come with different mindsets and interests. And it is only the variety in our network which exposes us to perspectives which we could never see.

However, people with whom we can absolutely not communicate because there is either nothing in common or no understanding of each other, fall out of each other’s village. Fall out with no hard feelings, but just the inability to fit in each other’s lives.

People with starkly different habits in terms of hygiene

Hygiene is a very personal choice. And as kids hygiene is definitely not a factor which rules out a friendship.

However with years of seasoning and conditioning, hygiene is definitely something which makes or breaks our relationship with someone. Some of us do come with a little more tolerance than others, however at some point it does hinder a comfortable interaction, if hygiene issues of a person bothers us.

Some would say experience and age brings more tolerance; probably it does; but only in areas where it is worth it.

Image source: Pixabay

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  1. Ha! Ha! I definitely agree with you. My “village” of “the-people-I-will-tolerate” seems to be getting smaller with each passing year(especially since I reached the 40s milestone couple of years ago!!) . This is because of all the reasons you’ve rightly pointed out(and some more!) However, apparently as the elders I know declare (and I’ve been observing this too)-as we get still older (maybe nearer our sixties) we will have yet another change of heart and perspective and become far more flexible and accommodating than ever before!! Anyway, I’m not complaining at all…to be honest, I’ve been enjoying this phase quite a lot too…its been a welcome relief to actually be comfortable with feeling far less compulsion to bend backwards to please the world! Hee! Hee! All part of the journey…I guess…

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