Read on how to enrich your life by purpose, i.e. to find depth and, a reason to get out of bed each morning, your own Ikigai.
Here are 8 things every woman must know, before getting married. They will certainly build the foundation of a strong and long lasting relationship.
Finding a partner you want to commit to is a wonderful thing. Marriage is definitely the next step we want to take after that commitment. Yes, that giddy feeling in your head, the rush to buy dresses and not to forget the rushes, of Karan Johar and Yash Chopra movies running infront of your eyes, these are all part of the Indian marriage experience. You might just ask us, what this column is all about. This is all about certain reality we face. Each week at Women’s Web we receive number of questions for our Thursday column, where our experts reply to your queries. And 90% of the problems are marital issue
True, relationships are beautiful but sometimes we need to see the other side of the coin too. Here we list 5 things a woman must know, before she takes the plunge.
Eagles sang, “Love will keep us alive.” We cried, we smiled and we felt mushy. True, you need to love the person you are going to spend your life with. Remember the day you are married, you will be a family and you need your finances to keep going your day to day life.
When you are marrying someone, be honest to get the finances right. Ask, if there are loans, mortgages or debts? And if yes, see if you are ready to live with them. A friend of mine got married to someone who had a huge loan. In a month, they had to sell the house they were living in because the bank would need to money back and it turned very bitter.
Please have an honest conversation about the finance part. Tell yours and ask his. You will thank yourself for this, someday.
So, where will you settle after marriage? If you are living in a particular city and your fiancée in a small town or wants to settle abroad, are you okay with it. In one case, one of our readers wrote how she has to look after her ailing mother and her husband wanted to leave India.
Also, where you would stay, I mean at a rented accommodation or an individual house .And if rented, who will pay the rent and if you both share, see if you can afford it. Please do not ever sign up for anything, you won’t be able to afford later.
Does, he have someone he needs to support, or you have someone to take care of. And, if yes for how long and where. See if you are okay with it. Also, if you have parents or siblings, you need to support, do say.
No one likes surprises after marriage.
You both must get your HIV tested and please get a clear picture of the other person’s health history, and if there is some health condition, you are living with, please tell him.
It will really help both of you.
Never try to marry anyone by selling yourself small. Ask what his vision for life is (if you are marrying, he got to have one) and share yours. See, how you can support each other. Remember you are going to wake up each morning with this person, you cannot have someone not supporting you or you supporting me. Otherwise, it will be a recipe for disaster.
You might think, that I am talking too much, and your faiths are independent. But do share your religious belief or the lack of it, so that you are comfortable living with it throughout your life.
Finding that you married a radical one fine day, is not a pleasant experience.
Do you both want children?
Do ask and tell your preference too.
Do you want to change your last name to his, or you want to retain your maiden name? Do discuss your choice.
There is nothing more sustaining that an honest relationship. From honesty, you can build a strong, fortified relationship.
These 8 things might look rude to you, but trust me at times, they will act as your life saver. Marriage is a huge milestone in life. Remember after you cut the cake, you have to come home with the same guy. Make a wise choice. You like it or not, this decision will affect a major part of who you become.
We hope you make the best choice.
Cover image via Shutterstock
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer.
I’m sorry but talking about those things before tying the knot is NOT RUDE. Throwing these surprises at your spouse after the wedding and expecting them to be happy about it is very selfish. It continually amazes me that people get married WITHOUT having these important conversations, even those who ‘fall in love.’
Unfortunately this is something not shown in movies, books or told to us by anyone. So many still think that you see each other, spend some time together and boom, you can get married and live happily ever after! Maintaining a relationship for decades takes effort (just think back to your relationship with your parents, the ups and downs, the entire journey) and you don’t want to start off on the wrong foot by hiding these issues. Imagine the shock of being told by your wife/husband that they don’t want kids at all, only after the wedding!
My boyfriend and I decided to get married ONLY because we shared similar views on religion (both atheists), life goals (travel, raise dogs and good food), responsibilities towards our parents (he will do his and I have mine) and didn’t want kids. We met online and got engaged without even meeting each other in person. But we talked about all these issues within the first 2 days. That’s part of the reason we fell in love with each other naturally – because we had so much in common and had similar attitudes to life. Even when my parents were looking for arranged marriage proposals, I was very clear about not hiding my atheism and feminism since it would cause problems if I revealed them post wedding [since I wasn’t planning to suddenly change into a TV bahu for my in-laws later].
We should be thinking of the marriage, not just the 24 hr party we call weddings! After all the guests will bless you, eat the food and go home forgetting all about you. YOU and your spouse will have to deal with your life afterwards, not them.
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