We asked our readers, what is that one thing they would want their daughters to know about sex. This is what they said.
Though we might be talking about the next 4G technology or trying to put a spaceship in Pluto, we are still not comfortable with something as common as sex. Though over the years with the advent of cable television and Internet, things have opened up, but have we really got the conversations of body and sex to the living rooms? Do Indian parents talk to their children about sex once they come of age or do children still learn about it from movies, friends or Internet?
The ideal Indian woman, or an Indian woman is not portrayed to be sexual. Virginity is celebrated as a virtue. Sex is often shown as a means to procreation. If we look at popular media, only very recently, have we seen physical intimacy between man and woman. In our movies, the lead actress is mostly a virgin. We are still not comfortable with sexual intimacy.
To get the conversation going, we at Women’s Web decided to ask parents give one advice to their daughters about sex on our facebook page. We had an interesting conversation. Most parents harped on safety and gut feelings. Here are 7 best responses we picked.
Know your body first. Sex should always be safe and consensual, anything else is violence. It’s a special experience. Don’t make it random.
Pooja Sharma Rao
Sex follows only after when two individual define their closeness with extreme love, trust and understanding for each other.
The urge is natural and universal but there is no method that can offer 100% safe sex to avoid pregnancy so think before you act.
It’s good if done at the right age. Always listen to your body, inner voice, conscience, gut. I think we all have a ‘gut feeling’ since a very young age…specially girls
Touch – know what is good and bad.
Love and know yourself before loving someone else.
I will say to my children that sex is a beautiful thing but only then when it’s consensual and safe. Enjoy and explore but with safety.
Do you agree with these suggestions, or you would want to advice something else? Write it in our comments section.
Cover image via Shutterstock
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer. Workaholic. read more...
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This strange love story reminds me of Princess Diana when she gave an interview about Prince Charles - "There were three of us in this marriage!”
This love was flawed and broken the way only we humans know how to break things with our ego, pride, insecurity and complexities!
Where do I even begin to tell the story of how deep a love can be, how it transcends time, place and people. Perhaps this is a story about how women are their own worst enemies. Either way it is a story that tells us how frail, fragile and fraught we are as humans and how much we hurt each other.
This love story began when I was two years old. Growing up in India in a culture that wove love stories like Laila Majnu, Heer Ranjha and the epic symbol of love, the Taj Mahal, into the very fabric of our existence, love was always an integral part of our lives.
One such love story was of a boy and a girl who were neighbours. The boy, an athlete, artist and a poet, found his muse in this shy, thoughtful and in her own way poetic girl, who seemed to worship the very ground he walked on. Her face could be found in all the paintings he created, and her name in every poem he wrote. The girl called him Sagar, which means ocean, symbolizing his all-encompassing love for her.
Everything thing was going well; their wedding date was being finalized, till the boy’s older brother who was a doctor in the same little town, got accepted into Stanford Medical School to do his MS.
Earlier my husband would say, 'Arey! What is there in making dal-roti? It's so simple.' After he had to cook everyday when I was ill, he has stopped saying that to me!
“Arey! What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?” A handful of dal (lentils) and two rotis! This is the story of every woman and no one seems to understand.
Some time ago, after a shopping spree, my husband and I entered the house, exhausted. I had just about kept all the bags aside, when my husband said, “I am very hungry, can you make something.”
I looked at my husband in amazement and thought, ‘He had just had food, how did he get hungry again so soon?’
My husband, as if he had read my face, said, “Arey! You know that my stomach is not filled with outside food. Just make dal roti. What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?”
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Sex is a beautiful thing when both partners have an equal say in what they like and want, and what they don't. If only we talk about it, though, says the writer.
Sex is a beautiful thing when both partners have an equal say in what they like and want, and what they don’t. If only we talk about it, though, says the writer.
The media and society are still trying to drum into women that sex should be about giving pleasure to the man. Many Indian girls are still learning from childhood on: Your innocence is your sanctuary, but after marriage, everything is his, it’s his decisions.
At the same time, the Internet is full of instructions on how to do the perfect blowjob, or how to satisfy your husband in bed. Are there guides likes this the other way around? Nope. Headlines such as these symbolize only one thing: Step back, the lust of the man should always be in the foreground!
Hey, one thing should be clear: Sex is something very beautiful and can be incredibly fulfilling. That should apply equally to both partners! Because the most important thing and basically the only basic recipe for good sex is that both like it and that both feel good. Us women should never lose sight of our own interests. We should always ask ourselves: Am I in the mood for it at the moment? Does that feel good? What would I like even better?
Talking about sex is considered a taboo in Indian society. But it's time we stop emulating ostriches and get our head out of the sand. Let's push for sex education.
Talking about sex is considered a taboo in Indian society. But it’s time we stop emulating ostriches and get our head out of the sand. Let’s push for sex education.
It is of no surprise that most Indians keep their views about sex private. Why? Because if they talk about sex or anything related to sex they will be labeled as a “characterless person”. And that women have to be more careful about it as Indian women are ‘supposed to’ be asexual until they get married as it’s a matter of ethics and moralities. Yes. It’s true! Our culture wants us to be sexual only when we enter the institution of marriage and for the purpose of procreation.
Many people still hold the belief that sex is a crime or sin if done before marriage. Is it so? In ancient times, open relationships and polygamy were accepted easily. We have read about having multiple partners, propagation of open sex, etc., time and again in many religious texts.
India today has unfortunately become a largely conservative society.