Overcoming My Feelings Of Emptiness After A Choice I Made To Quit My Job

Quitting a job to become a stay-at-home-mom was a choice I made, but it made me restless, with an emptiness inside. Here is how I found a purpose and direction.

Quitting a job to become a stay-at-home-mom was a choice I made, but it made me restless, with an emptiness inside. Here is how I found a purpose and a direction.

I had quit my job just when my career was taking off but I had to let it go, as I was in the family way yet again. The hectic corporate routine that I had been used to buzzed in my ears and the sudden calm in life seemed threatening. Little things that amused me before now seemed gravely gloomy.

Soon I was blessed with a handsome baby and he kept me on my toes but the depressing and helpless feeling often came back making me feel unimportant.

It was an extremely difficult phase of my life where on one side I was happy about extending our family but on the other hand I felt very low and worthless. At parties and gatherings I watched working women swarm up to the latest discussions but I could only talk about changing diapers and sleepless nights.

As kids grew even my feeling of emptiness grew and I often pondered, “How different was I from my mom or grand mom?”

I attended interviews to prove to myself that I had it me still. But strangely, every time I was shortlisted for a second round I would dread to pursue it further! When everybody else was running up the rat race, here I was, dreading to be shortlisted. I was really struggling with my thoughts and confused about my priorities and goals, because deep within I detested the idea of leaving my kids at the mercy of others.

One day as I sat back asking myself what I was really chasing. I realised that the discontentment and the low self-esteem was all in the mind!

It is largely our thoughts that create an environment for us. They define our joys and sorrows and our moods, so it is important that we take control of our thoughts. And to take control of this vagabond-like thoughts we have to train them just like we train our memories, yes, our mind secretly trains our memories, and it is for this reason that we tend to remember some as important things and forget what does not matter much. This happens because the brain has learnt to identify a certain element as important or unimportant depending on the social clauses that you have fed it with. So if you tweak and tell your brain to linger upon healthy thoughts, it does make a difference. I found that it was indeed working. It was never easy battling the distractions of negativity but each day as I delved deeper into this practice it made so much sense!

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Gradually I bypassed all the brooding beacons in my circles, said no to bitchy mother-in-law diaries, struck to people who inspired me and held on to things that lifted my spirits and read a lot of good books. This phase of life was when I realised that books were the greatest friends and you are never alone in a room with a book by your side! Reading a book was like yoga to me!

I started exploring options that I could deploy within the comfort of my home. Incidentally I tried my hands at content writing and impressed upon my client. After selling products and view- points that I never endorsed I decided it was time to give a platform to my expressions on my own blog. It was well received and many known and even unknown people now made my day with their likes, comments and shares, although sometimes it was not genuine it still brought me back, only to be writing more composedly.

I recalled that during my school days I had a penchant for narrating stories, essay writings even when I worked I had done jobs that involved lot of talking and connecting with people and this was precisely what I enjoyed doing, and blogging was an extension to all this to relieve my expressions completely.

I took to blogging and did it very passionately, the experience was very fulfilling with which came endorsements and recognition. This was the first time I realised that it is the passion that you need to pursue and you never know, your passion could become your career!

But then this passion of writing would be long dead if I didn’t read enough! The love to read has made me an organised person as I now plan my day, my work schedule and explicitly make room for that me time which is essentially reading and crossword time!

Reading is like a soul companion that grips you completely, equips you with reasoning and knowledge, it enables you to understand different viewpoints, emotions and cultures, it moulds your inner persona by keeping you informed and updated.

The world of books is surely a gateway to knowledge and empowerment! If reading history betters your political acumen, fiction enhances your expression! If science ledgers keep you connected with the world around, books of faith will foster a spirit of spirituality in you, if stories can stalk you, poems can woo you, if horror can hound you folklores can stare at you!

When you read a book you are dragged into a different world with unknown faces whose traits you try to decipher, you laugh in their puns, cry in their distress and even smell the fragrance of the protagonist who just made you go numb with goose bumps! Reading channelizes your imagination bringing your creativity alive setting you soaring into a world of syllables, idioms and phrases. Books are best friends on whom I can lean on and bury myself into unsuspectingly.

Today when I look back, I am glad I chose to hold a book instead of a career! And now I look forward to that calmness that once hounded me!

I really thank that gloominess, the motherhood constraints and the dejection that has taught me to dream, explore, multitask and emerge out confidently more determinedly.

Every person is born with an innate talent you just need to explore it yourself. I dedicate this post to all those housewives who are giving the best part of their lives to nurture the bright future of this country.

Image source: young woman by Shutterstock.


About the Author

Mayura Rao

Homemaker by choice and blogger by passion!

5 Posts | 13,070 Views

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