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It’s Time We Stop Jugding The Mothers: WM Or SAHM Let Them Just Be

Posted: August 7, 2015

We often debate who is better, WM (working mother) or SAHM (Stay at home mother).The fact remains, that both are mothers and we should stop the judgments.

I started blogging a couple of  months back  when Angel  my daughter completed 3 months which left me with a teeny weeny bit of time for myself (which felt like a luxury). I was drawn by so many articles on the subject of “Working Mother” and “Stay at Home Mother.” Some of them just sharing their stories and why they decided to be a “Working or SAHM.” At times, it got ugly and I saw posts where people literally lashed out at each other, each justifying why they were a better Mom and didn’t flinch a bit in putting down the other.

That’s when I thought- we have had enough of this. Haven’t we? These mindless squabbles don’t make any sense  to me, the only purpose they serve is creating negativity. The point that we all seem to be forgetting is- We are Moms and that in itself is no small feat. Why undermine each other? Instead, we should be providing the much-needed support and encouragement to each other- We are one! We are Moms! Being a working or WFHM(Work from home mom) or SAHM, well it’s Mom and that’s the common word here. The word that binds all of us.

“Oh but what did you study all these years for? Just to cook and clean baby potty?”

I am a working mom but in no way do I undermine the efforts of SAHM, nor do I believe in saying “Oh but what did you study all these years for? Just to cook and clean baby potty?”  It’s an individual choice- I have seen many working woman who took a plunge, gave up the glamour of the corporate world and that monthly glee that we all working people experience when the mobile beeps with the message ” Salary Credited”. Many of them could devote more time to their hobbies, nurture their talents which their demanding jobs did not leave time for in the past. And many have returned to the workforce once the kids started school, with returnship  programs and other such initiatives by corporates who are keen to have a diverse workforce, the mommies are welcomed with open arms. Some of us might want to enjoy longer time with our kids, be there for them right from the start of day , from packing their lunch boxes to driving them to school, be at the gate to pick them up and listen to their anecdotes in the car as they draw you into their world of innocence. At the end of the day it’s a personal choice, one cannot undermine one or hold the other superior.

Coming to working moms, for many of us considering taking a break is not an option and this stems from monetary needs, maybe we have our partner doing well but in today’s world where the cost of living has gone up exponentially, most of us are saddled with housing and car loans, having got to a certain standard of living when we were the in vogue DINK ( Double income, no kids)  to suddenly envisage the complete disappearance of one stream of income and that too when we know we now have a child whom we would again want to give the best of everything. It might not seem practically possible. Even for those who might not have this financial need, the mom could still want to continue working. Every mom would definitely ensure she has made  the best arrangements for her child to be taken care of in her absence, be it by elders in the family, day care, maids under CCTV surveillance  or in presence of a trusted adult, no mom is a fool to have decided to join back work after maternity leave ends without a plan in mind.

Maybe she wants to pursue her career which she is passionate about at the same time give quality time to her little one who is the center of her Universe.

Maybe she wants to pursue her career which she is passionate about at the same time give quality time to her little one who is the center of her Universe. Again we cannot judge her, it’s her choice and just because she’s not around 24 hours a day with her child, it’s wrong to say she’s not around when he needs her. It’s the quality of time spent that matters, isn’t it? We have seen several instances of working moms building successful careers and raising happy kids as well .” She’s for sure Cinderella’s  evil stepmom,”  I think we got to be done with this attitude.

Let’s respect the choice of every mom. Bringing a child into the world is by itself no mean feat. Many of us have gone through it more than once. And this is just the beginning- raising a child in itself a very big responsibility and requires one to devote so much time and effort to it. We are constantly riddled with that nagging doubt of- Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? With society not leaving even the slightest of chance, to question or point fingers at a mother- “Aree why is she so thin? Why is he so noisy/shy?Are you bottle feeding her? Blasphemy… God save the poor child. Marks are less what happened, not studying enough?” It goes on and on and the primary target is most often is the mother. And in a way it never ends. I have a child now, but I think my mom might still get questioned by a nasty few.”Haven’t you taught your daughter what needs to be given to the baby at 7 months?” Sigh! this will never end.

But the least we can do is not make it tough for each other by pointing fingers at one another for our choices. Let’s be the multitasking, super efficient, chirpy, bubbly, evergreen, on standby 24*7 Mommy team. Here’s to all the mommies out there- Cheers! An Oscar would probably be less worthy of us, what say?

Mother and child image via Shutterstock

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