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On Mother’s Day, A Letter To All Mothers Who Place Themselves Last

Posted: May 10, 2015

On Mother’s Day, while its great to get the love and wishes of your family, its time to think: As a mother, are you neglecting yourself for the sake of your family?

First of all, a Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers reading this. It must have made you happy when your children wished you today (even though your day today has probably been almost the same as all other days!)

You woke up early, cooked up the meals, got yourself and the kids ready, got the house cleaned, did the laundry, packed meals for them and the husband – in short, everything that you do regularly and that has become a part of your daily routine for years now. So what makes this day any different? Being greeted by your children? Getting hugs and gifts from them? Sure, that really is awesome. But don’t you think there should be more? No? I think this is exactly what’s wrong!

Mothers never seem to feel that we deserve something more for ourselves. We can spend the whole day working at office and then at home but find it tough sparing time for ourselves. Personally, I feel that mothers are too little demanding for their own good. You are happy seeing your kids achieving their life goals. Their pains and problems give you heartache. You keep everything else above yourself. Yes, I know you love your children and family a lot but does it mean you have to neglect yourself in order to do that?

How often do you spend time with yourself doing things that you love without any trace of guilt in your heart? How often you go for movies with your college friends?  In fact, are you even in touch with them? Do you still think of your goals and dreams? Let me guess! You don’t have time for that now? I saw it coming!

Why can’t we take half a Sunday off from housework every weekend? Why does it have to be our job always to do the cooking, cleaning and other household things? Why don’t you ask others to help you and divide the responsibilities? Why do you have to do it all by yourself? Why do we have to keep it perfect all the time? I know some of you have domestic help/maids but the ultimate responsibility to run the show smoothly lies on you. Maybe it makes some of you happy doing all this by yourself but this way, you are inculcating this belief in your kids that this is what a mother does and this is what defines her – which I personally believe should be a choice, not a compulsory duty.

Mothers too are human and get tired and pissed off at times. You will keep that anger and frustration inside and seldom be vocal about things that upset you. Why don’t you make it obvious to people around you? Why do you have to work when you are feeling unwell? You are really being very unfair and hard on yourself.

A quote by Milton Berle quite precisely sums up my thoughts about this: ‘’If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?’’

It seems that evolution didn’t really work in favour of mothers, as though it too knew that this special species will manage somehow! From now on, get a few pairs of extra hands from people around you to get things done. All the kids and other family members in the house should realize the value and efforts you put in. They should too share the duties and responsibilities and workload so that you can spare some time for yourself too. Everybody deserves some time off.

These days, when women are working in almost every field with men, it gets tough shouldering all the responsibilities alone. Only when your children see all other family members working together at home will they be prepared to do it all themselves without entertaining the belief that ‘this is a woman’s/mothers job and this is not’. Trust me, you will be doing your daughters and future mothers a big favour.

There are women who can do it but there are those too who find it tough and exhausting. Women working so hard balancing everything might or might not get the credit for doing all of it but the ones who fail in achieving this state of perfection usually do get their unfair share of criticism. If not for yourself, then just for them, spare yourself. Also, let others know that motherhood is a full time 24*7 job which requires a lot of hard work, patience and skills. Let them try their hands at housework at least. Trust me, they will appreciate your efforts a lot more than before. Don’t just let them take you for granted. Start delegating your work and share the load. It takes time to bring such social changes and starting small will surely go a long way.

Nobody knows motherhood better than a mother. It’s obvious that we all do our best for our children and family. It’s high time you chose to do the best for yourself too. Motherhood, of course, is a big responsibility and changes a lot in you but you need to love yourself too. Take care of your own health and well being. When you are happy and satisfied with yourself, you can always do more for the people you love. Besides being a mother, you are an individual too, with her own dreams and aspirations. Don’t let them die inside you.

Lots of love and gratitude.

Mom lettering via Shutterstock

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