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So, one of the guys at my office got married about a month ago. He comes to meet up with me and I say hello and congrats and blah blah blah and then ask him, has your wife joined back at work? He says yes.
RM: Wow..that’s nice..hope her timings are not too hectic, na?
He: Nah, similar to mine. She reaches home about 10 minutes later.
RM: Sahi man, you guys must be freaking out after that na!
He: No yaar, we are just at home. She cooks food and I eat and then we go to bed.
RM: So, what do you do to help her?
He: Help? What help?
RM: Well…you know in cooking and all…
He: Why should I help her? She can do it herself na!
RM: What?! Poor girl, she travels more than you, has the same timings as yours and you don’t help her!
He: So what? My mom managed with her job and giving food to my dad, my sisters and me.
RM: What?! (by this time, I am pretty much irritated)
He: This generation of girls do such nakhras and nataks. They can’t manage everything on their own and then they want their husbands to help them.
RM: What nonsense…firstly, stop comparing your wife to your mom. I agree your mom may have done things by herself without your dad’s help, but that doesn’t mean you don’t help your wife. What’s the excuse?
He: Why should I help her? If my mom can do it, she can do it as well without my help.
By this time, I was so furious, that I decided that talking to him was of no point..Since I was at the office, I couldn’t even shout. I just said, ‘Thank God you have a working mom, she will understand your wife so much better.’
He: Yes, my mom doesn’t let her do much around the house. I keep telling ma to let her work, but ma also helps her
RM (Thanking his mom mentally): Your mom has a lot more sense than you!
He: What did you say?
RM: Nothing, let’s not talk on this topic…I don’t agree with your logic.
He: I know, your poor husband, he helps you out so much.
RM: He has to na…I work longer hours than him and travel three times the distance.
He: So what? you take advantage of his goodness
At this point, I didn’t know whether to slap him or whip him. So I said, let’s not talk about me and my husband. He is more than glad to help me and he enjoys the cooking, chopping, cutting, taking care of R and all that…If he had been like you, I think I would have left him long ago.
As soon as I said this, his face changed. I started talking about the weather and all that and then he left, but deep inside, some part of me is hurt. I feel sorry for his wife and I am furious with myself for not being able to convince him to help his wife despite his mom being there…his mom needs help as well na…
He may have been joking (maybe), I don’t know, but it just irked me so much and I feel frustrated!
R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and baby. Learning the ropes of new motherhood and wanting to spend more time with baby. Running to catch up with read more...
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Yuvaraj Shele, a small-time worker from Kolhapur, Maharashtra, did battle many odds and arranged for his mother Ratna’s wedding a few weeks ago. The main point that he put forth was that he felt his mother was lonely and saw the need for her to live happily.
A myth that goes without saying is that only a woman can understand another woman better. What happens when a man does understand what a woman goes through? Especially when the woman is his mother, that too when she is a widow?
This scene does remind of a few movies/web series where the daughter/son do realize their mother’s emotions and towards the end, they approve of their new relationship.
Just because they are married a husband isn’t entitled to be violent to his wife. Just because a man is "in love" with a woman, it doesn't give him a right to be violent.
Trigger Warning: This speaks of graphic details of violence against women and may be triggering for survivors.
Anger is a basic human emotion, just like happiness or being sad. One chooses his/her way of expressing that emotion. It is safe until that action stays within oneself.
What happens when that feeling is forced upon another? The former becomes the perpetrator, and the latter turns out to be the victim.
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