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What’s the Big Deal?

Posted: February 4, 2011

– If I ask my husband to open the cooker and peel the potatoes while I pick up my daughter from daycare and come home at 7.30 in the night?

– If my husband washes the clothes in the machine and dries it out?

– If my husband keeps some khichdi for me on the day I am sick

– If my husband eats whatever I give him and it may not be the standard dal, roti, two subjis and rice and etc etc

I am getting bugged at this attitude. I am considered ‘lucky’ because I have a husband who ‘apparently’ is very ‘adjusting’ to my whims and fancies and doesnt ‘demand’ anything special from me in terms of food… and he ‘helps’ me out in case I get stuck in traffic

People don’t seem to understand that firstly my husband doesnt ‘mind helping‘ me; his work place is about 20 minutes from home while mine is about 2 hours from home, that he doesn’t get up at 4.45 in the morning to start his day and he doesn’t do me any ‘favor’ by doing what he can to help ease my work load.

Gosh, these ladies in my office are really getting me mad! I have been brought up in a household where my dad did as much work as mom in the kitchen and my brother had to do whatever I did – including washing the vessels, cleaning the sink, cleaning up the table after dinner or lunch and even making chapatis and cutting vegetables..

Sometimes I really wish I had a son..not for anything gender wise, just so that I could train him to be a perfect guy who does his own stuff including washing, cleaning, sweeping, swabbing, cooking and then show this damn world that it doesn’t need to be only girls.

I mean WTH…I hate it when people tell me that your husband is helpful. He has to be! He doesn’t have a choice right…he needs to help me because I work much more than he does honestly – in terms of travel which can be life sapping in Mumbai, in terms of cooking which I do in the morning..and not that he does the entire cooking..he just helps with some bits…but no, he is hailed in my lunch group as ‘the husband all girls should be blessed with’ and all that…

Oh please! It’s really getting on to my nerves…

So these ladies have husbands who don’t do anything at home…well, that’s your loss but don’t bug me by saying that I am lucky and all that. I think it’s important that your husband does his share if you are going out and trying to make an equal contribution to the house finances…well, even if not equal, at least you are contributing.

And I overhear these aunties who are really sad that their sons have to work at their houses because their daughters-in-law are not able to cope up with work and children..and these aunties are working women..how can they be so judgemental..and has anyone asked the guys what they think?

I hear my husband grumble when I tell him to do something..but he does it…totally does it..and well, if my mom gave me work when I was reading the newspaper I would grumble too! So I assume that his grumbling is more to do with the fact that he needs to move away from reading the newspaper or watching his ManU match..than with NOT  helping me..he wants to help me…

Do these old ladies realise that guys may WANT to help their wives because they believe in equality? I seriously give up!

R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and

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  1. Ha,ha!that was a rambling post.But I too think you are lucky. 90% of Indian males think that it is the wife who has to cook and clean whether she has a job outside her home or not. So if yours is helpful by nature you belong to the 10% bracket and hence lucky.

    Okay I was just joking, but you cannot expect your colleagues to take your husband’s behavior in their stride when theirs are the stereotypical males can you? so learn to ignore their comments and count your blessings- not aloud- but in your heart of hearts.

  2. So agree with your annoyance, RsMom. Why are men lauded so much even for doing small things around the house? Not to mention that in larger families, there will always be some woman who “feels bad” that her brother/son needs to work at home, and will run to take over the chores!

  3. Put it down to jealousy, I suppose! I hear you–it bugs me to. The Guy is extremely helpful around the house and cooks better than I do. I’m glad for it, but it surprises me when other people are shocked. It only tells you how selfish most men are.

  4. @Unmana: yaa..it is definitely selfish..I was just talking to a lady in my office whose husband just sits after coming from work in front of the TV and then expects her to finish the cooking, taking care of their 8 year old and 1 year old and serve her MIL! Isnt that pathetic!!
    @Ritika: I know..I am so glad my bro actually helps out my bhabhi in all the housework!
    @HHG: No you are right ;)..I do understand that I am definitely lucky!!!!

  5. Pingback: Tejaswee Rao Blogging Awards II | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  6. Congratulations 🙂 This post in one of the winners of ‘Tejaswee Rao Blogging Awards – 2011’ (TRBA 2011). We would like to create an ebook with all the winning entries in 47 categories on Feminism and Gender Issues in India (and one category on Animals Rights). Please do let us know if you are fine with your winning post/s being included in this ebook. ( Please click here to let us know).

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  9. Hi. In a very simplistic way you have captured the exact crux of this much talked about gender equality. I am not married yet but turned 25 and my mom is suddenly concerned about “Whether I can cook” “At what time I wake up”…and when I say i will find a guy who also knows how to cook, they give me look of amusement as if a kid has expressed his wish to become a superman…nevertheless, really enjoyed reading this one…Great writing!

  10. You sound like me. :P.. Fantastic write up. Just what I argue about. 🙂

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