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I write this conversation as it happened, just translating it into English. This conversation took place in our office washroom (which has a lot of uses apart from being a washroom) between
*a nearly 30 married with a child (SK)
*about 40ish married with two kids (DK)
*just married for less than an year with no kids (NK)
Note that I work for an engineering firm which means that most ladies here are qualified engineers
[Editor’s update: Also read, Marriage: Another point of view, a response to the comments here]
SK to NK: How was your weekend?
NK: nothing great…just general helping out in laws and work at home
SK: Did you go to that place you wanted to
NK: Nahi rey…and she sighs
SK: What happened?
NK: I feel marriage is a very over rated institution
SK: (Smiles) I think so too
DK: Why do you say that?
NK: I mean before I got married until last year, every weekend used to be going out with friends, I could wear what I want, I didn’t have to adjust my schedule to anyone else, I could just go out and come back when I wanted…Now, it’s all about compromising my desires, wants, friends, needs…
SK: I agree
DK: But you don’t even have kids. How can you even complain?
NK: I agree..infact I think having kids will make it worse..and you know what’s the worst part, my husband’s life has not changed at all…he hardly spends any time with me…goes out with his friends, does his work and he is in touch with everyone from school..and me..I have no time to even call my friends..I have lost touch with most of them and my free time involves either cooking, cleaning or trying to get some sleep..and if I express my desire to go out, husband says he is tired,wants to watch the match, and so many other reasons.
SK: So you go out with your friends na..at least you will have this opportunity till you get a kid..once you get a kid…it will be even more difficult
DK: and if you have two kids, you can say good bye to your social life totally…then you spend all your free time either looking at their homework, or doing something for their project in school..or taking their studies..
SK: Difficult na
NK: Gosh..why did I get married….right from the childhood, I have been brought up saying that I should get married, I should get married…I had enough of the taunts and finally agreed to marriage..and what did that do..made me lose my independence…no, my in-laws are nice people and husband is a nice guy..but but…I am not me…I have to go to them for everything I want to do..and it irritates me..I think marriage is really over rated
DK: but think about your old age…you will have someone to spend it with na
SK: oh come on DK, you think you should get married to have someone for your old age..please…given a choice, I would rather enrol myself into an old age institution, give some money there and enjoy the company of other elderly when I go beyond a stage when I can’t sustain myself independently..one of the positives of being a working woman is that I earn my living so I can afford to be financially independent right?
NK: Wow that’s a great idea…wish I had met you earlier, I could have given this logic to my parents as well
DK: You girls of this generation…you have such thoughts na
NK: No DK, seriously I think marriage is definitely over rated. For guys, nothing changes – same house, same people, same friends, same routine, free servant who will take out his pant shirt, cook for him and give him what he wants..but for the girl..everything changes..everything..when I want to go out, he wants to stay in, when he is going out, he doesn’t take me…I am quite pissed off…if I ever get a girl child, I will ensure that she marries only if SHE wants to..I will never force her into marriage like my parents did..never
and then the conversation stopped since a fourth lady came in wondering what happened here
Why I put this conversation here is to figure out if a lot of women feel the same way as NK?
1) Is marriage really an over rated institution?
2) Does a woman actually lose her independence and freedom after marriage?
R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and
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If You’re Facing Pressure To Get Married Even When You Don’t Want To, First Read Why I Ended Mine
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