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We will be in conversation with Nikita Singh and talking all things love and books! 22nd Feb Mumbai | 23rd Feb Bangalore.
Living an abuse free life now, one woman looks back and says good riddance to the abusive man who tried to break her – all in the name of love.
Hey You Immature Ass! I hope you’re doing good after a few months of a break from me. I’m good too. Yes, yes, I’m good! Oh yes! You tried to break me completely but I’m glad to inform you that you’ve failed in your endeavour.
Trigger warning: This post contains some explicit descriptions of violence against women that could be disturbing for some readers.
Recently, I noticed that you have tried to write a few words on my birthday with a hashtag ‘Nostalgic’. I was happy to see that. You know why? Because now I am more confirmed that you’re as much of an asshole as I thought you were. As I read your words, they referred to your love for me and suddenly, this word ‘love’ collided with the abuse that you inflicted on me when we were together. I read your reference to my ‘beautiful’ face that you threatened to burn that night. How can I forget that? It was super awesome to be a survivor.
How can someone who uses such beautiful adjectives in words be so heinous in reality? Hey, do you remember that you wanted to cut my ear? Ha ha, that was so eye-opening for me. I know, I know, you feel guilty about that. Good, you should. But that incident when you physically abused me? Raped me? Yes, I am using this word ‘Rape’ because I was crying and I was not physically ready that night or on those nights when you asked me to learn lessons from girls ‘outside’. Blondes. Ya, you like blondes, right? I remember. Beautiful it was for me; I was in tears while you were ejaculating sperm. Ass, It was RAPE.
Stupid I was that I did it out of guilt and LOVE. ‘The unconditional Love’ that you always desired, expected, and snatched from me. You know I hate this word now.
I am glad that you are working on your creative skills because when I posted a poem on Facebook that day, you actually threatened me and emotionally abused me because I was supposed to take your consent first on the content and then post it if you allowed it. Good, at least you do not have to take CONSENT from anyone for your post now and thankfully, even I don’t need to do that now.
I am feeling a sudden rush of blood in my body as I’m writing this because I’m going through each instance of emotional and physical abuse that you hurled at me once again, psychologically. I found it really funny that you used this word ‘Mohabbat’ – not because you were in love but because you’re obsessed with this image of yours as a love guru and aashiq. Oh, what makes me think so? Good Question!
Because I have seen you inside out. I have seen you at your best and worst. I have seen your animalistic self ruling over me. I have gone through that all. I remember each and every moment when you tried breaking me.
That night when you and your sister made a team and harassed me. You don’t know what harassment is? It is a noun meaning aggressive pressure and intimidation. I only wanted you to understand and love me. I did hope for your holding my hand and telling me “It’s ok, we’ll figure it out because we are partners, you don’t need to take any decision right now” but what did you do? You asked me to either decide or leave. I left!
And you didn’t come to bring me back!
And then you write these words on your wall for my birthday? (LOL, hypocrite!)
I am happy with my life now, having learnt to love myself. I am living an abuse free life and I hope you get yourself treated for your behaviour. Abusers never realize that they are abusers nor do their close ones get to know it. I was your partner, hence I went through it, right to its most degrading point. I hope you get in touch with a psychiatrist and get yourself treated. I wish you all luck in life and hopefully you never do this to anyone ever again.
Letter from someone stood strong!
Now and always!
First published here.
Image via Unsplash