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A secret ingredient for happy relationships? Is there such a thing? An interesting perspective on navigating relationships through acceptance.
I don’t believe there is anyone on earth who can truthfully claim to enjoy trouble-free relationships. Be it your husband, your parents, your in-laws, or your friend, you’ve probably experienced some degree of tension with them all!
Now, it isn’t fun to clash with someone you’re supposed to be close to. You and I want our relationships to be happy and harmonious; free of resentment and negativity. We want to like the people who are an important part of our lives, and want them to like us too.
So, is there something we can put into our relationships that will minimize conflict and make them more enjoyable? There is, and I’m going to give it to you for free!
The secret ingredient that will make your personal relationships easier is this:
“STOP TELLING OTHERS WHAT TO DO.”
That’s all there is to it. Stop trying to control other adults.
Your husband doesn’t want you telling him whom he shouldn’t be friends with. Your grown-up son does not want you deciding whom he should marry. Your daughter-in-law will not appreciate your constant ‘advice’ on how she should conduct herself. Your wife will not appreciate you nagging her to ‘improve’ her style and appearance. Your mother-in-law does not want to be told to ‘stop praying so much’. Your friend does not want you needling her to lose weight.
The secret to making your personal relationships easier is to respect others’ differences of opinion and manner. Don’t stand in their way as they go about doing their own thing. Don’t get after them to live and behave by your standards.
If you’re not convinced yet, ask yourself just one question:
Is it more important to have people do things your way, than to have them feel comfortable with you and enjoy your company?
Most of us choose the former option. We don’t realize that we’re not going win anyone’s goodwill by imposing our opinions upon them. No functioning adult likes being told what they should, or should not, be doing with their lives! Nobody wants you telling them (or even implying) that they’re ‘not doing things right’ or ‘can do better’.
Although we might have good intentions, we distance ourselves from those we attempt to ‘control’. Remember that control isn’t just limited to explicit issuance of orders or threats. Covert or subtle manipulation – dropping of hints, indirect references, withholding affection, over-persuasion, continuous unsolicited advice, comparisons, emotional blackmail, etc. – all amount to control too. Don’t even go there if you want to have happy and comfortable relationships!
Everyone is just as entitled to his or her ways as you are. The only two (peaceful) ways in which you can deal with others’ differences are (a) to either accept those people as is, or (b) distance yourself from them if you’re finding it hard to put up.
Acceptance simplifies relationships. When we focus on the good in people instead of trying to change or improve them, we give them the chance to like us and enjoy our company. Relationships which focus on the positives will be much more fun, more comfortable, much easier to manage, and definitely more successful. So, next time you’re tempted to tell your husband to stop playing video games or your daughter-in-law what she shouldn’t be wearing, let them be. Let them be, and see the difference it makes to your relationship!
Holding hands image via Shutterstock
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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