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Just like football, people prefer feminism on TVs. The moment it comes inside the house, it threatens to break the precarious balance we've maintained.
Just like football, people prefer feminism on TVs. The moment it comes inside the house, it threatens to break the precarious balance we’ve maintained.
The cause of gender equality for a lot of us is like a game of football. We are okay playing with it outside. But inside our houses, we either don’t allow it at all. Or restrict it to the small terrace where the ball doesn’t disturb the gentle décor of the house. (A checkpoint for pseudo-feminism)
I have never thought of it this way. But recently, it dawned upon me – how similar football and feminism are. Like my previous write-ups I’ll explain this through anecdotes.
You must be thinking- how exactly will I do this?
My friend Sanchi is a champion for the cause of gender equality. When the #MeToo movement began, she was one of the first few to share stories of exploitation during her PhD programme. She has even gone on candle-light marches and was accompanied by her husband.
Surprisingly, like modern day Cinderella, as the clock strikes 12, these brave women transform into dutiful wives. They set up beds, put the children to sleep, look after the needs of the elderly and satisfy the whims of their ‘supportive’ counterparts. All this because they are full of gratitude to earn that identity.
Have you heard of the term ‘selective feminism?’ These people believe that they are feminist enough if they allow ‘their’ women to have only certain types of freedom. Alas, we (women) don’t own our freedom.
So when I start digging, the anecdotes topple over.
I remember another incident from when I visited a Mahila thana (Women police station). With me, there was a friend who had had the courage to escape the clutches of gaslighting.
My friend, a promising scientist, sounded so timid when the lady constable told her, ‘The problem in this marriage is not the husband woman. What if he slapped you! It is your ambitious ego that is ruining the family.’
Rest of the lot laughed at this joke of the lady constable, who sported a crew cut and Dabang style aviators. This served as a fine balance between patriarchy and women liberation. I could not help but notice the record sheet on the wall. “We have successfully RESOLVED 60 cases of domestic violence in one month” it read.
Then there was another conversation with a male Army officer. He believed that women should keep the family as their first priority rather than their job, or shouldn’t work altogether. A woman is supposed to sacrifice, he continued, if she doesn’t the whole family suffers.
Nature has made them biologically different. Incidentally, the same day Supreme Court had granted Permanent Commission to the lady officers in the Indian Army.
I often wonder if biology has a role to play in deciding our fate and way of thinking. But then the nine months of refuge in a female body and subsequent leeching on the female body should produce more sensitive males.
Instead we have self-proclaimed holy men who think that a woman will be born a ‘kutri’ if she cooks while menstruating. Well, thank you, Babaji. I’d rather be born a bitch because they have more freedom today, than we women do.
Picture credits: Still from movie Bend It Like Beckham
Vartika Sharma Lekhak is a published author based in India who enjoys writing on social issues, travel tales and short stories. She is an alumnus of JNU and currently studying law at Symbiosis Law School, read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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