Dear Rahul, Why Did I Have To Change Myself So Completely For You To Fall In Love With Me?

I was your best friend, Rahul, but you couldn't see me beyond that, and fell for uber cool Tina. Why was I not enough as I was?

Dear Rahul

I hope this letter finds you well, navigating life’s twists and turns with grace and resilience. I understand that hearing from me might come as a surprise – it’s certainly not something you expected.

As I sit down to write this letter, a flood of memories rushes through my mind – moments of joy, and laughter, but also moments of pain and heartache. And you know what’s hitting hard the most, addressing you as my ‘ex’. For me, you are still my teenage crush and my first love who taught me what love is and made my world a little brighter.

I know our relationship was nothing less than a roller coaster ride, with its own share of fun and fear. Our football playing together is such a sweet memory. We laughed like crazy, danced like there was no tomorrow, and then argued like there was no tomorrow for us together as well.

It’s been time since we parted ways, and I’ve had ample time to reflect on our relationship, the highs, the lows, and everything in between. After leaving college, I wanted to barrage with n number of questions at you, but did not get an opportunity to fire. Now, by God’s grace, someone has given me a chance to write to you, so, I take this opportunity to scribble this monologue, which is neither planned, has no fixed format, and will flow like molten lava without hitting any backspaces or modulating the words to hurt you any lesser. So, please! Brace yourself.

What was your problem, Rahul?

First off, why did you divide the girls into two categories: “the girl I would fall in love with” and “the girl I would like to befriend and hang out with all the time”? Why was it that you were unable to fall in love with the same girl you enjoyed hanging out with? Was there ever a time when I said that Rahul is a man to hang out with and Aman is a man to spend the rest of your life with? Did I? Really? No.

For me, it was the same man for either of the situations. Because I did not fall for a man seeing that line you had seen. I had my heart for you because we both were so closely knit, so deeply bonded that I was confident enough that my life could sail smoothly with you.

Why did I have to change myself to deserve your love?

Secondly, waiting to get your love is an okay thing. I understand. True love does demand patience and sometimes asks you to wait. Alright. Digested.

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But why on earth did I have to change myself, Rahul, to receive back your love? Why did I have to shed my tom-boy look and sweep into that ‘’Indian-Sanskari-Coy-Girl” image to have you longing for me? How come you couldn’t love me for who I truly was? Why did I have to become another ‘Tina’ to bag your romantic interest in me? Weren’t my Basketball moves enough, to lure you?

Why did I have to learn that Indian Classical Dance to get your chin slip off your palm being awestruck by my beauty? Why couldn’t my Bob-cut short hair, my faded denim, my casual tees, and my sports shoes woo you? Why was I supposed to drape a saree and let my shoulder-length hair loose, to make you go down on your knees begging for my love? Were those short skirts of girls in college, strong enough, to outcast my messy liner and kohl, my not-so-good choice of lipstick, and my friendly hugs? Why did I have to change my attire to show you my feminine traits?

Why, Rahul, did you allow these discrepancies to come in when you constantly wore the ‘COOL’ tag with tacky t-shirts and a chain around your neck?

You said, “pyaar dosti hai” but it wasn’t really, was it?

Why did you bring up all that “pyaar dosti hai” talk in Miss Braganza’s class when you didn’t mean it? Why, Rahul? Then and there I realized that I am your best friend and I deserve to be your love. When you confessed your love for Tina and hugged me, you didn’t even notice my reaction. I said I loved you and started crying, but you couldn’t see my happiness at hearing those words, nor my tears when you mentioned Tina. You were completely oblivious.

I was crushed that day, Rahul, expecting my ‘best friend’ to be there for me, but you weren’t.

I left college, but you never bothered to find out where I went. We crossed paths by chance at the summer camp, and suddenly you started falling for me because I started wearing sarees or maybe because I learned classical dance. Why did you confess your love when I was about to marry Aman? Why, Rahul?

Okay. I shall wait to get your answers. But even if you do not answer, my love for you, would not recede even an inch. I want you to know that despite the pain of our parting, I hold no hard feelings for you. I choose to cherish the good times, to forgive the hurt, and to move forward with a sense of peace. Let us raise a toast to the memories we created, and let the unspoken words find solace in the open air.

Lovingly Yours,

That Very Tom Boy Anjali

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About the Author

Richa Agrawal

A writer, a blogger, and a mother. I find immense joy in doing anything creative, be it writing, indulging in arts & crafts, or decorating my personal space. I am also captivated by the wonders read more...

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