Why Do Some Middle Aged Women Try So Hard To Put Down Other Women?

“Don’t drink tea, you’ll become darker! Then your parents will be forced to give a huge amount of dowry in your wedding” to “She has crossed 21 and has a younger sister as well, she should be married as soon as possible to any good guy from the same community”, Indian middle aged women have gained a reputation for pin pointing people’s negative qualities or just find a reason to make someone feel insecure about themselves.

Whenever a girl tries to go out of her comfort zone and try to build a life for herself, these women are quick to sabotage and demotivate by citing unreasonable reasons like

• “Good girls don’t move far from their hometown for studies,”
• “Please make sure your daughter doesn’t go out of your control”,
• “What if she fell for a wrong guy and ruined your name in the society”,
• “Indian women should not be too opinionated and must compromise for the sake of their dignity”…

The list goes on.

Shattered dreams

A 21 year old girl Diya* who is based in Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh opened about the unfair discrimination she had to go through just because she was a small-town girl and wanted to move to New Delhi to pursue Engineering from a top rated college.

At first, she managed to convince her parents for letting her move to a bigger city to live her dream life , but her dreams got shattered when she got to know that a neighbour of hers, who always faked her concern for her family had created a sense of lack of security and reluctance in her parent’s minds. Tears rolled down her eyes as she realised that it was a painful end to her incoming journey as a career woman.

She tried to make her parents understand about the dire need of education for her, but all in vain. Meanwhile, the neighbouring woman was happy to create havoc in her life and was silently enjoying the whole scenario. She was successful in her evil intentions of not letting Diya pursue something relevant to her and work towards her goals.

Why do these women do this?

These women who try to belittle others are often a victim of early marriage, abuse, financial dependence on spouse, or domestic violence. They are carrying a baggage of not having the power to make their own decisions without the permission of family members.

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It often spoils their minds with negativity, hate for the other women, insecurity, and turns them into either a cold hearted mother-in-law or a noisy neighbour of someone. They often fail to communicate with someone related to their misery and slowly learn to drink the poison of sorrows. They are unhappy, looking for external ways to soothe their sad soul, thus resulting in a need to behave in this toxic way, for which they are hated on and again. A depressed mind is the foremost gateway for immense negative energy.

For example, A career oriented married woman is stereotyped as a vamp or cold hearted mother who does not love her children at all. A housewife is generally labeled as lazy, unworthy, and incapable of experiencing the outside world. A child-free woman is said to be “unlucky”. These examples are the tip of the iceberg, the actual value can not be quantified.

We sincerely hope to see the situation change as the times passes by. There is a much desired wish to observe women standing up for each other instead of fighting and spewing unwanted hate in the society.

Image source: a still from the film 2 States

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