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When a cancer patient or survivor shares their story, it is not an invitation to dump either your toxic positivity or your stories of someone who "did not survive" on them. Be more mindful.
As a banker tapping into my passion for coaching and mentoring mid level executives in corporates, I write frequently on LinkedIn – tiny snippets that resonate with me, that are my life lessons and that I think would help readers.
What do you do when you are dealt the worst hand in a game of cards?
Can you change your hand?
Does being angry with the cards help?
Does wallowing in the “Why Me?” help you win that game?
You play the best game you can, bravely soldering on putting your best foot forward with your chin up.
And when the game is over, you say – I tried my best.
That’s all that is needed. Try your best even if you have been dealt the worst cards. Unlike a game though, in life, you can ask for help. You can do a million things to make your card set a tad bit better.
Finish that game though. That’s non negotiable.
When I wrote this post 6 months ago, little did I know I would be holding a lousy set of cards in my hand soon.
I was diagnosed with colon cancer in December, Hepatitis A and jaundice in January, and back to back surgeries.
But. Picking up the pieces once again.
The pic on the left is me in January 2023, and the one on the right is me today, in April 2023.
DON’T make light of the situation unless the patient chooses that outlook.
DON’T launch into your own story of your favourite aunt diagnosed with cancer unless there is critical information there that will help the patient
DON’T recount the story of a cancer relative WHO DIED from the disease (you’d be surprised how many people do this. I cannot think of anything more callous)
DON’T push or encourage the patient to move on. This is not your battle to dictate how it must be fought
DON’T suggest how the patient should spend their recovery time. (One colleague said I should have spent the time to trade in stocks)
DON’T bring God into it unless you know the patient is a believer. Even if they are, they could be rethinking their faith now. You definitely don’t push them towards prayer (a friend expressed disappointment that I didn’t ‘return’ from the experience with a new found faith in a Higher Power)
DON’T tell them life is uncertain for everyone. No it is not. That is why you have insurance companies loading your premium if you are a cancer patient. Because a cancer patient’s life is more uncertain than yours.
DON’T spout stuff from WA university. Not only is it annoying, it could be potentially dangerous.
Please be more sensitive to the trigger points and needs of cancer patients and survivors around you, and please do not become a pain that they feel the need to avoid!
I am a banker, author, poet and an intersectional feminist. Speaking up on social issues, mentoring and coaching and cooking up a storm for friends and a certain strapping 21 year old boy are what read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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