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Women of my generation represent the calculated changes in the Indian woman. A woman from this generation loves herself and values herself as much as she does her family!
The concept of self-love is still gaining momentum in India, each generation is hesitantly adopting this. The generation that is as old as independent India is far from this vibe as opposed to the new age girls who from a young age absolutely and unabashedly put themselves first.
This makes me think of two sets of generations that are yet to fully adopt and adapt to putting themselves first although one generation is changing the game to a large extent.
Let me start with my mother’s generation, women between 50-65 years of age. This age bracket envelopes within itself ages of experience no doubt, but they have seen the evolution of the Indian women over these past few decades.
I see the tussle they go through, to stick to what they have been taught and abide by rules and roles. Yet there is this inquisitiveness to delve into the role of self-love before self-sacrifice.
Women of my mother’s generation are the perfect sacrificial entity of any family; they completely bury their needs and desires for their family. It all starts by being the doting daughter who doesn’t question her parents. To be a devoted wife who doesn’t give her two cents on anything. To be a mother who gets lost in another life only to see that her child having a life of his own and
There is no harm in being a doting daughter, our parents do a lot for us and if we can support them in any way we always should. There is no crime in being a dutiful wife, marriage is not made on whims and a spouse should be an anchor or oar as per demands of life. There definitely is no bad being a loving mother who gives her all to a beautiful child.
But every relationship cannot come before our own selves.
As far as my generation is concerned (the women of the late 1980s to early 1990s), we have seen our mothers either stay true to traditions or grow with life and evolve.
But most importantly we have made certain changes to the way we immerse ourselves in people we love.
Women of this age bracket represent the calculated changes in the Indian woman. This woman knows that to be a good daughter, she also needs to make something of her life and be worthy enough as an individual to stand on her own two feet.
This woman knows she has to be her husband’s friend and confidant as well as a good advisor for the marriage to be equal. This woman knows she has to bring up her child in a way that her child will live her life in the most genuine and wonderful way.
This woman loves herself first so that she can love others. This woman doesn’t sacrifice but she amicably adjusts. This woman doesn’t control but respectfully gives her opinions. This woman is a representation of all the good of yesterday and all the good of tomorrow.
Each day I aspire to be more like this woman. For she is truly the epitome of genuine love and honest care, no strings attached.
Image source: Pexels/Olha Ruskykh
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).