Body Shaming Exists! That’s Real And Above LOVE

The guy who told me that he loves me for who I am, just disappeared as his parents were not willing to accept me now…

We have heard and read stories that love is beyond physical appearance. But is it true in a country like ours? In India, marriage is between two families rather than only two individuals. Well, this can be true in an arranged marriage setup. But in love marriage, the word love is taboo in 70-80% of the families.

I met this guy in my college. We were in the same class. I was one of the five girls in the class chemical engineering. We were in the same practical batch and that’s how our bond developed.

I was happy. We then got placed in the same company (in my hometown) and he came here. Our bond grew and he asked me out. Initially, I denied but then I agreed. Everything was blissful. We were in the same company, earning quite well and sharing a similar vision for our future.

But after 2 years, he told his parents about us. They were in constant denial mode as I would not look nice standing beside their son. But he still continued to convince. In January 2020 his parents came to my hometown and asked me to meet them alone without their son. 

However, my mother accompanied me. Without any greeting, they started showering their questions like “if you look like this now, how will you look after marriage!? When our son approached you, why didn’t you tell him that I am a double body and you are single? We cannot match” my mom and I were shocked as they called me there saying I’m their family member.

When the guy tried to confront them, they asked him to cut off all the ties with me. But still, he tried. In August 2020, after trying we broke off thinking it might not be in our fate. But in February 2021, they approached me saying that they were examining whether we can live without each other or not.

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They are now happy and accept me the way I am. We both were so happy. They called up my parents, convinced them that they are happy now, they would send me the welcoming texts. Finally, in March 2021, our relationship got public. But they had other plans.

The next day itself they commented on my weight. They told me that they do not like me and they have only agreed for their son’s happiness. Also, their actions were like that their acceptance for me was directly promotional to the kgs I shed.

They told me that I should reduce to suit appropriately with their son. From that day, everything would end up on my weight. His father told my dad that let there be some time before marriage so that our physical chemistry matches. When marriage dates were about to be fixed, they wanted to delay that till next May as I get a considerable amount of time to reduce and the wedding photos come out nice.

They body-shamed me for one or the other thing covering it under health concern. His mother called me and said I should not make a fuss of his dad asking me (with a tone of shaming me) to reduce as I am well educated and understand this.

I was also asked to prove my 99 qualities for which their son chose me in exchange for the 1 flaw (of not fitting in the societal body norms). I went to their place to stay for 3 days and I tried to show them my positive side as much as I could. But when the mind is blind, even the eyes fail to see.

Body shaming covered under the title health concern is still shaming

The words they told were traumatic. When the guy stopped them from saying all this, his father would not listen and tell him that he will say what he wants to.

Eventually, the relationship broke off and the guy who told me that he loves me for who I am, just disappeared as his parents were not willing to accept me now.

After taking the relationship to marriage, he went saying that he can’t go against his parents. The promises and commitment broke within seconds.

People want a trophy as a daughter in law to be shown to the world. How I wish the trophy would have been in the form of qualities and nature rather than physical appearance.

I am a girl with trust issues. The only guy I trusted for 6 years left me because he couldn’t confront them.

P.S I am not promoting obesity or saying that being overweight is good. But being fit should be the aim, both physically and mentally.

I am glad that I spoke up. I also posted videos regarding what happened with me in detail on Facebook in my native language because what happened with me in the name of love, should not happen to anyone else. Every girl whatsoever body she has deserves respect.

Image source: A still from Size Zero

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