Why Does An Ambitious Career Woman Have To Be Judged By The Rotis She Makes?

If he goes to work, and has responsibilities, so does she. Why does this simple fact not occur to so many sexist people?

If he goes to work, and has responsibilities, so does she. Why does this simple fact not occur to so many sexist people?

Recently we went to meet our friends at their place. The husband and wife are both working and are at top positions in their respective jobs; in fact, the wife has a much higher profile than the husband.

We were all chatting, laughing, and having a good time. The wife stood up to make some tea for all of us as the cook was out running some errands. Just then the husband taunted her, “You will make tea? Do you even remember how to make tea?”

I was aghast, the laughter stopped. My husband gave me in a confused and shocked look. There was pin-drop silence in the room.

“I very much know how to make tea and much more,” pat came her reply. “Oh, do you? I have never seen you enter the kitchen in ages, I haven’t tasted any food made by you since… I don’t know when!” he remarked.

Believe me, it wasn’t a pleasant place to be in or a pleasant scene to witness.

The husband turned to us and said, “We have only two people making roti in this house, my wife and the cook, and when it’s thick fat rotis you’d know who has made it.” He was mocking his wife, when she blurted out,  “Yes sure, I make thick rotis, at least you don’t go hungry!”

Mind you, this wasn’t the first time he has done this. On various occasions earlier too, he has always made it a point to ridicule his wife in front of others, specially when it comes to her cooking.

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We changed the topic before the situation got more ugly.

Can a women be ambitious after marriage?

This whole episode got me thinking – is it considered good to marry a career woman? Can a woman think of having an ambitious career after marriage? Woman on top… is it a turn off for men?

Where is it a written rule that it’s only the wife who has to manage all the cooking? Especially when apart managing all the other chores, she too is working, just like the husband…

It was in the olden days when men used to go to work and women were confined to the house, taking care of their household responsibilities. In modern times, women too are out there working, climbing the ladder to success, realising their dreams.

If he goes to work, and has responsibilities, so does she. It is not practically possible for her to manage both the fronts efficiently; hence she hires reliable house help, cook, maid, etc. These people take care of cleaning, cooking and all the other chores while she can concentrate on her work outside the home.

Her work too comes with deadlines, it’s not just the husband who has work pressure; she too is in the corporate world and faces the same kind of work pressure. Yet we never see the husband coming home from work and going directly to the kitchen!

Why is it that her work isn’t considered important?

Why is it she’s expected to cook and clean as well? She too is bearing the financial responsibility of the household, she too should have the same privileges that the husband enjoys at home (read, sitting in front of the TV or surfing the internet the whole day on holidays or once back from work).

Why is it necessary that she needs to know how to make perfect chapati or tea, when she already runs a successful career. For a lady, doesn’t being proficient at her profession count?

In this man’s world where patriarchy rules, the only thing that counts is a woman should know how to cook, clean and care for the kids!

It’s appalling to see such educated and so-called well accomplished men behave in such a demeaning manner.

I would insist on the parents that they let their boys learn cooking, cleaning and the rest, it may be useful and necessary for them too. Teach them the facts – it’s not only a woman’s job to handle the responsibilities of the house, they have to be equal partners in sharing the burden.

As for my friend, though she may have a shortcoming (not knowing how to cook), she’s proud of it, for the fact this one shortcoming doesn’t decide the achievements in her life.

She’s proud because there are many more accolades and accomplishments to her credit.

She’s proud because so many young girls and boys look up to her and want to be like her.

She’s proud because she’s a mother who is raising a compassionate and caring son.

In achieving all of the above, never has her shortcoming of being unable to cook ever come in the way or has been a hindrance.

She proudly owns the fact that she can’t cook and it doesn’t bother her, and frankly, it shouldn’t bother others too.

P .S. She made fantastic kadak masala chai and some snacks too!

Images Fizkes/Getty Images Pro via Canva Pro

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About the Author

Heena Shah

Mother to a bubbly teenager and a student of psychology, Heena is also a travel enthusiast. She loves to observe the happenings around her and weave them into beautiful stories. A writer with a passion read more...

28 Posts | 41,734 Views

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