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Men who are sexual harassers are just overgrown boys who can't believe they've just been refused that candy they want.
Men who are sexual harassers are just overgrown boys who can’t believe they’ve just been refused that candy they want.
Trigger Warning: This speaks of violence against women and sexual harassment and may be triggering to a survivor.
Many recent events like the regrettable Tarun Tejpal acquittal, the #MeToo happening in the context of Chennai schools, etc. made me reflect on what exactly is wrong with our society, and men in particular, and that there should be something concrete we can do about it.
So here goes.
How to behave with women if there are others around who could potentially act as witnesses.
How to back off a bit (only a bit, mind you) and exercise caution when threatened with serious consequences.
How to cleverly write messages and letters of apology without incriminating themselves.
How to make the right noises and politically correct remarks in public.
How to use their considerable privilege, financial resources, time, and effort in building up this perception of themselves as kind, generous, GOOD men.
Actually, there is only one thing men need to learn: Taking NO for an answer.
But that is complex.
~ Because we will not talk to our sons (or students) about puberty or desire or sex, not even in hushed whispers
~ Because boys and men are fed the notion that girls and women are less than them. (It is subconscious, not something anyone is aware of.)
~ Because males accumulate insecurities for decades. Repressed emotions, a lack of means to communicate and tools to address their psychological problems.
~ Because boys get the message – relentlessly, from the day they are born – that they are a gift to the world. This breeds entitlement that takes forever to dismantle.
How can someone so entitled accept that people can actually refuse them something they want? So, every NO is feeble. All protests fall short. Even two years of saying NO is not enough.
And to most men, women are just that: Candy. Objects. Trophies. Property. Not humans with feelings and opinions, likes and dislikes …
How do men view women? As stereotypes or as human beings in the flesh with all their complexities?
Do men listen, really listen, to women? Or do they TALK AT women?
Until we do the hard work that all of this involves and have those difficult conversations – in our roles as parents/caregivers, teachers, responsible men, bystanders, lawmakers, law enforcers, activists, artists, feminists, journalists, writers, managers, CEOs, whatever – we will continue to vent our frustration every time there is a case in the news (as with the Chennai schools) or a misogynistic judgement (like the Tejpal one).
Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish
Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's books author. Her books have won several awards, including the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award 2015 for India, Middle East and Asia for read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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