You Don’t Need To Experience The Same Pain To Empathise With Anyone!

Why not use the word 'hum' to show unity instead of using it to degrade or insult others? You don't need to include others in your woes!

Why not use the word ‘hum’ to show unity instead of using it to degrade or insult others? You don’t need to include others in your woes!

Have you ever heard someone say ‘humare jaisa rang’ (colour like ours), and ‘humare jaise padhai (studied like us). Even things like ‘sabke relationships mein khot hain’ (there are problems in every relationship) and ‘humara mota pet’ (your belly is the same as mine).

While this has become a common phenomenon these days, especially among girls, there are certain issues with these sentences. Let me tell you what these issues are!

One of the reasons women are considered to be each other’s worst enemies is because they are often seen as the ones who say these things to each other. So what are these things that women need to stop saying to each other right now?

Tumhare saath jab hoga tab pata chalega (When it will happen to you, you’ll understand)

You don’t need to involve others in your woes!

Why do women need to include other women in their woes? In fact, why does anyone need to include others in their woes?

Maybe it is the inherent idea of patriarchy itself that hovers around us since the very beginning. It doesn’t really matter if your friend is going on a trip or not, or the number of marks your friend scored or even if your friend looks better than you do. Neither does it matter if your friend is qualified to go to IIT and everything else.

This often fades after a point for the boys, it stays on for life for the girls, especially from their relatives. ‘Look at that friend of yours, she just had an arranged marriage!’ ‘But your friend just gave birth to a son!’ ‘Look, your friend has two kids now!’ This cycle just continues throughout their lives.

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‘Look at your friend! She’s getting married.’ In recent times, especially with my friends who are to be married, arranged marriage, of course, I hear this sentence quite a lot. And I often think to myself, ‘this is probably why Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi was such a success. Do women really want other women to feel the pain they are going through?

Why we need not experience but empathise with them

Empathy is a quality where you are able to understand feel the other person’s pain and suffering better than just sympathising with them. We need to want others to empathise with us instead of wanting them to experience the same pain as we! At the same time, we need to empathise with others too. 

If we fail, we shouldn’t wish for others to fail since we know the pain of failure and shouldn’t want anyone to experience the same. And I don’t need to tell you what this says about the person who wants others to experience the same!

The word hum (us/ours) should be used as a way to show unity and positivity. We need to use them for sentences like ‘humara chocolate’ or ‘humara research paper.’ The word should be used as collaboration and not as a way to degrade others.

Work on your own insecurities and don’t hamper your conscience. Uplift every person you see and be the best version of the wonderful person that you are!

Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Shaurya Aur Anokhi Ki Kahaani

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Dr Arushi

Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.. read more...

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