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A woman may be a great advocate of feminism. But even a hint of feminism at her son’s house will be called an obstruction to family values!
I am sure all of us have noticed this at some point in time – there are these women who deem to be feminists in all their decisions. However, they manage to promote patriarchy when it comes to their sons.
Before I begin this article, let me begin by defining the kind of patriarchy I am talking about here. Patriarchy, in this article, basically is the family that lives under the rule of the father.
Often, we see women who are strong believers of feminism with regards to their daughters. However, when it comes to their sons, the same women flip and advocate patriarchy to and for their sons. They expect their daughters-in-law to be a submissive and ‘typical’ housewife with a lot of restrictions upon them.
Ever wondered, why this hypocrisy? Why does a woman become another woman’s enemy when it comes to her son? She may be a great advocate of feminism, however, even the hint of female empowerment at their son’s house, will be called a massive obstruction to family values.
These pseudo-pro-women empowerment mothers are often so self-absorbed in their power and regime that they forget what their sons want. While their daughters might follow the same path as their mothers, the sons often remain confused. This confusion only increases with age and creates insecurities and the fear of losing their voices.
When asked to compete in any field involving women who aren’t their sisters, they tend to be twice as competitive and even aggressive. Victory for them means life and a loss, especially against a woman manages, to hurt or even break their ego.
Right from an early age, they tend to become short-tempered and self-centred. Their temperament is completely different from their mothers and sisters. In fact, they become almost submissive to them but all of this changes completely when they meet their partner. And if their partner is better than them at something, the marriage only becomes a battle of the sexes for the rest of their married life.
Amidst all this chaos, the institution called marriage seems to be a struggle from the get-go. Regardless of whether it is arranged or a love marriage, it is supposed to have some uncertainties, some chaos and a lot of love for nurturing and starting a new life together.
However, things become even more complicated when the marriage has men like the ones I mentioned above. They tend to go to the opposite extreme to ‘prove their masculinity and do everything to make themselves seem strong and macho.
While the son struggles with this patriarchal build and his hold over his new family, his mother puts pressure on him to become ‘more of a man.’ This pushes him to his aggressive side – a side that his mother has never seen since he was never allowed to express himself.
So my confusion basically is that why do women become ‘anti-women’ when their daughters-in-law arrive? Why is there a sudden shift to strengthen their sons hold when they were the ones who had an upper hand in all their son’s life decisions? Don’t get me wrong. I am all for men and women taking decisions together but this confuses me because these women now want to control their sons’ lives and those of the DILs too. Do they not want their DILs to make decisions with their sons?
These women are usually well-educated working women who have had some sort of a gender-balanced life. And I know a lot of these women whose sons became great men. But at the arrival of their DILs, these women just changed and started advocating patriarchy! Why do women claim to be feminists when all they want is to promote this kind of patriarchy?
Being a feminist is not a gender-based thing. Both men and women need to be feminist and raise feminist children who respect women and their rights and opinions. This will help deal with the monstrous women who abuse their power and emotional hold over their sons’ lives to make their DILs lives miserable!
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV show Ghum Hain Kisikey Pyaar Mein
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