Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Renuka Shahane opened up about being ostracised as a kid after her parents' divorce. Still need a reason to destigmatise divorces?
Renuka Shahane opened up about being ostracised as a kid after her parents’ divorce. Still need a reason to destigmatise divorces?
In a special episode of Netflix’s ‘Behensplaining,’ actor Renuka Shahane, shared how she was ostracised as a kid after her parents’ divorce. The experience she shared reminds us of how toxic and harmful the taboo surrounding divorce is. And why it needs to end now.
The actress best known as the co-presenter of Doorsarshan’s Surabhi spoke of how other people’s reaction to her parents’ divorce affected her. As an eight-year-old girl, she found herself being isolated from her friends by their parents. Kids were discouraged from playing with her. And all of this mistreatment was attributed to the divorce of her parents.
Some referred to her family by using incredibly derogatory and problematic words like a ‘broken family.’ This was used as an excuse to justify the intentional seclusion of a girl as young as she was by adults. She shared how she was made to feel like any association with her would impact other people’s families negatively.
The way people refer to divorce so casually as the breakage of families without considering the gravity of it, speaks volumes about the place divorce holds in the public imagination. Reasons for filing a divorce can be varied – from incompatibility to domestic abuse to physical or emotional torture for dowry, the list is inexhaustible. Yet, we find that India has one of the lowest percentages of divorce cases.
Society always puts the burden of maintaining a marriage on the women’s shoulders. They have to compromise and adjust, even while facing violence. Even the Supreme Court of India thinks that a crime as grave as marital rape cannot be criminalised as it would “destabilise the institution of marriage.” This treatment of marriage as a sacrosanct institution makes it more important than ever to protect the women who have entered marriages.
Basically, this implies that divorce is viewed negatively without any consideration of how the parties in the marriage were treated. Any woman who dares to step out of the confines of marriage is called names and ostracised. This stigmatisation only snatches away from women the option to end a marriage for the fear of mistreatment from society.
There are certain laws and schemes, NGOs and support groups that work to cushion individuals from attacks of the patriarchal society. However, it isn’t enough as long as there isn’t a wider consensus of acknowledging the taboo around divorce. At the same time, we need to work towards not glorifying the heterosexual marriages as the only acceptable form of union.
When popular figures like Renuka Shahane and Dia Mirza speak about the impact of the stigmatisation of divorces, the messages reach a wider audience. Dia Mirza spoke about her divorce and elaborated on how even in the apparently ‘aware and conscious’ circles, she was treated as someone to be pitied.
This is exactly how the glorification of the institution of marriage determines the position of a woman in a patriarchal society. Women across class, caste and regional boundaries are judged on the basis of their marital status. However, the system is rigged in favour of men. Thus, a lot of these women are forced to keep their struggles hidden with the fear of backlash and even violence.
Conversations around divorce work towards chipping away at the patriarchal consciousness which stigmatises it. So, when Shasvathi Siva’s video went viral, it inspired a lot of people to talk about their experiences with their families.
The dialogue around divorce needs to grow and reach every individual. People need to listen and empathise and support. Renuka Shahane’s experience as a child did not exist in a vacuum. And the only way we can protect more women and more kids from trauma and seclusion is speaking up. The more we speak, the easier it becomes for the women who need courage out there.
Still from Renuka Shahane’s Instagram handle
A postgraduate student of Political Science at Presidency University, Kolkata. Describes herself as an intersectional feminist and an avid reader when she's not busy telling people about her cats. Adores walking around and exploring read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
Please enter your email address