Like Mine, An Arranged Marriage Without Ever Being In Love Can Be Hazardous

Our youth should learn to navigate love before they 'settle down', as a 'vaccine' against heartbreak in an impossible, skewed marital relationship more difficult to get out of.

Our youth should learn to navigate love before they ‘settle down’, as a ‘vaccine’ against heartbreak in an impossible, skewed marital relationship more difficult to get out of.

Personally I have always been scared of the concept of love. I had lot of friends and family around me who fell in love and broke someone’s heart, or had their hearts broken to scare me off completely from this LOVE.

To tell the truth it wasn’t that hard to not fall in love. I wasn’t some beautiful girl that guys would ‘line up for’, and I personally did not harbor any such feelings for anyone.

School and college times are meant for those silly crushes that people assume to be love, and in some cases it does turn out to be true love, but mostly not.

The happy endings, and the not so happy ones

So after college I stayed in a girls’ PG for some time, and with so many girls there were bound to be some stories of love that came out.

There was this one girl I remember because I respected all that she did to be with the one she loved. Her parents kicked her out, but she worked hard on her own, even supported her mother financially, and 5 years later convinced her and the guy’s family for the marriage. Today they are happily married and have a son.

There was another girl who had fallen in love with her classmate. It took 12 years to convince the families, there were betrayals, separations, but eventually they came back together and got married last year.

These are the happy stories. Well the struggle was exhausting, but they ended on a happy note.

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But then on to the not so happy ones. There are so many stories we all know where the couple is unable to fight to stay together, they may be scared of the society or their families, or in some cases the social status. Sometimes the issues are between them. 90% of the love stories end here.

An arranged marriage with hope

I for one had seen a lot of this around me. So by the time I was out of college, I did not want to fall in love because I was scared that even I will get betrayed or might not have the strength to fight.

Four years later I still had the same idea, so my parents found a groom and I said ok, as there was no reason to say NO.

We did not have a typical courtship or engagement period, but I just assumed that we will fall in LOVE and it will last, blame those romantic and stupid books. In 3 months we went from strangers to a married couple who knew nothing about each other, like literally nothing, we had no common ground, our interests varied, there was just nothing common.

I started loving him and I knew that he also loved me in his way but we did not fall in love and have our happily ever after. I didn’t know what love really was. He, on the other hand, had come out of a long term relationship to please his mother and marry me, which I came to know on our first night. He wanted to be truthful to me but I felt betrayed.

A love hate relationship

He is a ladies’ man, who never had time for me but would always go out with his office friends, sometimes even lying to us to go on trips with them. I found out a few instances of these and confronted him. His answer was that I did not enjoy the same things he did, so he was enjoying with people who shared his interest. We fought about this, and the crack in our relationship started.

With his late night messaging with friends, giving lifts to his colleagues but keeping me away, soon I was lost and a hatred arose.

I never knew it was possible to love and hate the same person but I was doing it. And today 3 years later we don’t talk but I still love him and he still loves me, but we hate each other as well. I know it’s so stupid, I cannot really explain it, but today I don’t know what to do.

Maybe I should have not stopped my self from falling in love as a younger woman, maybe I would have got my heart broken, but it wouldn’t have been this bad.

Can there be a vaccination against a broken heart?

Imagine it to be like vaccination. Your vaccine contains the same virus that causes the issue, but they are not as deadly as the real thing. So basically the vaccine strengthens your immune system, by exposing it to a percentage of the eventual problem. It basically makes you immune or at least gives you strength to fight when you face the real virus. First LOVE is that vaccine, some are lucky and end up with them, but others who are not so lucky will at least know how to nurse their broken hearts.

Entering an arranged marriage without even talking to your partner is like entering a room full of COVID patients knowing that you have no vaccination, no PPE kit, not following any precautions, which will ensure eventual death. I know many would not agree with this, but it is just my opinion, it is ok to fall in love and get your heart broken, it teaches you something, that is your vaccination. And if you choose not to do it then at least make sure that when you enter that room of COVID patients without vaccination, you have at least your mask or your PPE kit with you, else you will end up like many others, heart broken and sad, with no way of seeing happiness anywhere.

Image source: gauravfkumar at pixabay

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