Grief is a very personal thing, and no one has any business telling you how you handle it. And it is not just the trolls, but every one of us who should get that.
While I was flicking through some posts on online media platforms, I came across a news article which made me pause and ponder. It was about how the reality television star, Divya Agarwal, was being trolled mercilessly only because she posted a glamorous picture from a photoshoot on social media around a week after her father’s demise.
My instant thought when I read this was – “Online trolls are at it again!”. But as I reflected further and recounted some real-life incidents, I realised that this thought process is not just random social media trolling.
Tell this to a group of people and chances are high that majority would find it weird/uncomfortable too. Some of us would even express disbelief with statements like – “What kind of a daughter is she! Posting glamorous pictures just days after her dad passed away?”
While some people troll for the sake of it, this mindset does exist at large because we tend to associate loss with grief and grief with crying or being distraught.
The best example of this that I experience even today is when I share with anyone about having successfully designed a dance therapy workshop for human trafficking survivors, and pat comes the reply, “They dance?”
I know that there is no malice when people react in this manner. This is more about the stereotyping of grief that we succumb to as a society. We somehow imagine that those who have gone through a catastrophic or life-changing event would ‘appear’ to be down and distressed all the time.
Grief can never be typecast. Grief has no manual. Grief is personal simply because the loss is personal. How a person expresses and copes with grief is hence, personal. Some howl. Some gulp the pain. Some fight. Some surrender. Some leave it to time. Some take charge. Some celebrate memories. Some avoid memories. Some cry it out. Some laugh it out. Some feel empty. Some feel overwhelmed with emotions.
Experiencing grief doesn’t imply ‘looking sad’ round the clock or behaving in a certain way that’s considered ‘appropriate’. It is a natural response of the body, mind and soul. Most people struggle going back and forth, and do what they can to make a sense of their loss.
I think it is quite disrespectful to enter anyone’s personal space of grief and expect them to conform to our understanding and perception of it. No one else can decide when a person should move on. No one else can decide how a person should respond to grief.
Given this, I’d say that Divya Agarwal gave back to the trolls very well, standing up for herself, though she was under no obligation to do so. It was a very dignified and logical reply, that has me applauding her.
“The loss my family and I have gone through can never be measured and replaced, and neither would we want it that way. Having said that, I began work to keep my mind off things to avoid hitting depression and to keep my family together in tough times,” she said, continuing, “It’s easy to lock yourself and mourn and feel like the world has crumbled around you, it takes that much more courage to get out there pull your socks up and keep yourself busy for the sake of a mourning mother and brother. Eventually, I’d like to say my Father would not have wanted it any other way. Me working is for my father and the peace of my family. Please let’s spread love not hatred.”
Image source: NEOSiAM 2020 on pexels and Divya Agarwal on Twitter
Multiple award winning blogger, influencer, author, multi-faceted entrepreneur, creative writing mentor, choreographer, social activist and a wanderer at heart read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Falling in love, marriage, a hidden secret, divorce. Despite all this, Vinita noticed her life was full of love that came in various unexpected shades!
“Aap jinke kareeb hotey hain, woh badey kush naseeb hotey hain…”
Just as Vinita was settling down into the cab seat, the driver put on music and the song started to play. It took her back immediately to that evening ten years ago, when Gautam had sung that very same song to her on the first evening they had met. She could remember every single detail of that evening so very clearly.
Neena Gupta shares her terrifying childhood experiences of being molested - like most assault survivors who often go to great measures to minimise these incidents by remaining silent, she was scared to tell her parents.
Neena Gupta shares her terrifying childhood experiences of being molested – like most assault survivors who often go to great measures to minimise these incidents by remaining silent, she was scared to tell her parents.
Trigger warning: This deals with child sexual abuse and may be triggering for survivors.
Sameera Reddy had been trolled for her weight after her 1st pregnancy weight, and speaks up now in her second, glowing in her late pregnancy.
Celebrity mom Sameera Reddy had been trolled for putting on a lot of weight after her first pregnancy, at a time when she was feeling low. While she admits that she had body image issues at that time, she is confident and happy during her second, and the trolls can take a hike!
A refreshing take on photo editing apps and image glorification on social media accounts, leading to self depreciation and body shaming at various levels.
Recently as I was flying from Bangalore to Pune, I spent my time observing a lady through the gap between the seats seated in the row just after mine. Throughout the trip she was taking selfies of herself. None of the pictures she took seemed to satisfy her. She had tried an umpteen number of poses which involved tilting of her head at various angles to adjusting the width of her smile.