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5 Tips To Stop Feeling Anxious In A Relationship And Be Kinder To Yourself

Posted: October 12, 2020

If you are anything like me, you probably worry about feeling anxious in your relationships. How can you deal with it? Here are some tips?

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship? Has this thought ever crossed your mind? Just in your mundane life where you see no new hope, do you ever think about how you can turn inward to bring positivity outward?

Love is beautiful, said everyone. Love could hurt, said everyone. but how can love save you from the pain? No one told us. Love, relationships, the family – all hold a very significant place in our lives, but it these also give us immense distress at times.

Let us try to understand all aspects of relationships, what triggers our feeling anxious, and how we can work upon this. Let us together brainstorm!

Feeling anxious in a relationship?

Relationship anxiety is normal and many people go through it. The real problem begins when it starts affecting your relationship with your partner and cause damage to your bond. You think a lot, you plan a lot, you assume a lot many things, expect a lot and then you constantly juggle between your partner and your anxiety issues which makes you more vulnerable and for your partner you might sound more demanding and attention-seeking, which is not the truth.

Sometimes things go way beyond your control and you end ruining your mental peace over things which are not in your control. In this blog, let us identify a few signs in a relationship that made one anxious and elevates their anxiety levels. We all have been there and we all have made a mess out of a certain situation, some came out stronger and some just gave up, that’s what made all the difference in our lives.

5 signs you are anxious in your relationship

Do you become happy and calm when your partner assures that he/she is there with you? Are you someone who needs constant attention from your partner, but you are not an attention-seeker? Do you feel insecure in their absence?

It could be through the perils of the past or any childhood experience that you fear and doubt everything. Your partner may not understand your situation, and hence be unable to be compassionate towards you. There would certainly be a few days when they will not be around you and you will find yourself in the darkness.

Now before you accept this as a permanent situation of your life, let me tell you that this could be changed, but only with your involvement and willingness.

First of all, let us discuss some signs which lead to your anxiety in the relationship, then we will figure out how do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship.

You feel insecure

A relationship could be your life, your everything; but I always wonder – how do we give the remote control of our life into someone else’s hands, and become so dependent on them that we feel insecure in any little change around us?

For instance, a wife can feel insecure if the husband is in touch with her problematic in-laws, a girlfriend/boyfriend could feel insecure if they talk to someone else.

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By trying to trust your self-worth more and getting rid of the insecurity. 

Insecurity is one of the biggest reasons for feeling anxious in any relationship. I know you would say that you cannot help it and it just comes to you, or your partner does a few things which make you insecure, but honestly somewhere deep inside you know the answers, you know the truth but you reject your inner-voice and don’t want to believe it.

You are too attached

We add meaning to everything in our life. Every relationship has a place and holds a significant stature in our life. We become so attached to that one person in our life that we forget to imagine our life without them. We attach everything to them, our happiness, our sadness, our success, our failures and we somehow cease to exist of our own.

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By detaching.

Yes, you read it right. Attachment is important but on a very basic level, you need to keep yourself detached from everything, draw a boundary line for yourself. So that if the time comes and you have to choose your sanity over relationship matters, it will not be difficult for you to move on ahead with your life.

You seek validation

It’s human tendency to seek approval and look out for validation in everything they do. Most of us are victims of self-doubt and lack of self-belief. Things become more challenging when we are in a relationship and if we are one of those who fall in the group of people-pleasers, seeking validation is becomes our necessity. You need continuous validation for everything you do, how you feel, and what you want to do.

Your partner might not approve of many things and that makes you anxious. You are dependent on others for the things you believe in and let others validate your opinions and views.

How to stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By stop being a people pleaser and validation seeker. Hold yourself and own yourself.

You believe in forever

Over the period of 33 years of my life, the initial 30 years I believed in the idea of forever and permanence. With time I realized that change is the only thing which is constant, which is permanent, and the truth of our life. Nothing lasts forever as it is. Not a single thing. It may worsen or bloom but might not stay in its same form throughout life.

When we don’t see change coming in a positive way in our life, we get anxious, agitated with geographical changes, changes in the family, changes at work.

How to stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By accepting change.

Stop needing things to remain the same always, or panic when things inevitably change.

You expect a lot

When someone said, expectations hurt, he was right. Yes, it does hurt. Expecting something from your loved or dear ones is not at all wrong or abnormal, but there is a limit to the ability of people to measure up to your expectations. They feel trapped in the burden of expectations and make you feel wrong. They make you feel that you expect a lot, that you are demanding. You end up becoming irritated and frustrated.

How to stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By rethinking your expectations from loved ones.

One thing that needs to be noted is that just because a person doesn’t treat us the way we want, it should not mean that they don’t love or care about you. Every person is different, and has a different approach to handling relationships.

5 tips to stop feeling anxious in a relationship

The tips I am listing here are general practices followed as a coping mechanism. Based on personal experience and studies.

It is always advisable, to begin with to have some self-care, and that is what I am going to stress on. I read this book, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne a while ago and I have read it twice. It amazes me how the human mind can be re-wired by simply following few practices and then making it our daily habit.

Take time for yourself, give yourself some time. When you know there is something wrong, instead of worrying about it take time to give it a moment. Accept your feelings and that is how you take responsibility for your feelings.

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship and take care of myself when people make a big deal about it? Understand it is absolutely normal and this could happen to anyone, so let’s not harm our relationships because of something which can be cured.

Please communicate

Don’t worry about who will understand and who will not. If you just start talking about your feelings and your mental state, at least it will help your family members to understand the reason behind your irritability and discomfort. Do not give up if they do not entertain this ‘whole story’ of mental distress you are facing, it really is very difficult for others to understand such feelings, give them time to accommodate with your state.

It is very important to talk about Mental Health, as people are not even aware of such a thing, and a majority of the population chooses to remain ignorant towards it until it hits them personally.

Educate your family members about it by sharing informative articles and videos. Maybe they will not get it at once but the more you talk about it the more it will register in their minds.

Go on maintenance mode

If you feel you need some time to gather yourself and figure out things, it is ok to take a break and go on maintenance mode.

To operate from outside you need to nurture your inner self and when you realize this, you should never waste any time in troubling yourself with negative self-talk over issues beyond your control. Rather, take charge and get to work with yourself. Your inner self needs you equally the most like others need you, so please take care.

It’s ok to not to be ok

Why do you feel that you have to be ok all the time and suppress your need for emotional balance? Seek help if you feel you are not able to control your thoughts but do not take it as a threat in the first place.

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship? By owning how you feel and working on it. It is ok to cry, it is ok if you are having a burnout.

This applies to both men and women; it is absolutely ok to be human and feel such emotions.

Take time for exercise

This is the most essential part of your recovery, if you really want to change your present condition and make a difference in your life and your relationships.

Start with yourself. Exercising, meditating, swim, take a walk, and just make sure you are engaged in some physical activities for at least 30 minutes daily. Physical activities have got a lot of psychological benefits.

Avoid any drink which contains caffeine as it is believed to worsen your anxiety. Eat a well-balanced diet. Stick to three meals at least and avoid junk and fatty foods. Undergo deep repair; your body is what you eat, what you think, and what you feed it with. Make it a good one.

Focus on good things

There is always something to be grateful for. It could be your evolved mother in law, a loving husband, parents, your child, your job. Something must be there in your life that holds deep meaning and support for your.

Stick to it and focus on all the good you have, and you will gain strength from your support system which will help you bring back the faith within you.

How can you support your partner in their anxiety issues?

How do I stop feeling anxious in a relationship and how does anxiety affect family and relationships? It affects us more when we see things but we choose to stay ignorant.

Family members/ spouses/ friends have a major part to play here. Instead of criticizing the person speak to them. Try to understand what’s bothering them. Research says that the positive support of family members helps the one who is facing such a difficult trail of emotions.

  • Speak and be there when you see some unusual or change in behavior.
  • Be there when you see the person shutting themselves down and going into isolation.
  • Check on your friends who have suddenly disappeared from everywhere.
  • Be kind to people around you as you don’t know what fight they are fighting inside.
  • Be available if someone shows anything that you need to be concerned about, and wants to talk.
  • Take out time for your family members.

Just by being aware of our surroundings and keeping a close watch at our near and dear ones we can certainly prevent tragedies. It is observed that when no one understands them, a person goes into hiding and never opens up about their feelings, which only worsens a general or temporary mental illness. We can save lives by being available and being aware. Be there. Be aware, take care, and spread sanity.

First published here.

Image source: a still from the film Thappad

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