During this difficult time of Corona virus outbreak, how can we as women cope better and support each other? Check our special feed and learn more!

Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family Wasn’t Easy But I Learnt How To Forgive And Find Hope…

Posted: July 25, 2020

Someone very close to me once said, “We don’t choose our family.” But we can definitely choose what we feel about them. And that is what helped me grow.

Growing up in a normal family versus growing up in a dysfunctional family are two different things, let’s be real here. 

Dealing with people who are constantly falling apart can affect everyone, especially a five year old when you see the world as a beautiful place. It’s hard to continuously witness a null and void marriage. 

Why do women stay in such marriages?

I don’t understand why it is so hard for the women in the society to file a divorce and move on. There are so many women, including my mother whom I have seen dealing with the same thing and it is very disturbing to witness it. 

When I asked my mother why it was so hard for her to file a divorce and easily stay with him for 15 years. That’s when she told me that nobody will marry the daughter of a divorcee. And that it doesn’t matter how royal a background you have.

I was emotionally closed off because none of this makes any sense to me. And I deal with a lot of things that a normal family person can’t deal with. None of it makes me feel good about myself.

I didn’t enjoy being around my parents

While a lot of kids enjoy being around there parents, I would avoid it and constantly stayed with my grandmother. I’ve never experienced a family dinner or a family picnic which is why I don’t believe in the ‘together forever.’ Maybe at some point in life, I would like to have kids but I will definitely raise them on my own. 

A relationship between a father and his daughter is extremely fragile and beautiful and I’d be lying if I said I never had one. My father never said no to me for anything. In fact, he treated me like a queen and no man can ever compete with that. 

Though most of the time he wasn’t there for us – my mom and I – but now, I see a beautiful change in him. I see the change, especially, when he is dealing with my younger cousins. He treats them just like his own kids and often showers them with more love than he showered upon us. 

But today, I can forgive people

It is very hard growing up in a family where no one is there for each other and you’ve to fake it in front of the whole family when you attend family functions. However, the most important thing I have learnt is that you can’t blame someone else for your past or unpredictable future. It is only until you allow them to do this. 

I am an adult now and I definitely see things differently. And I definitely walk out of all the relationships and places where I feel connections becoming toxic. I give up on things that don’t give me happiness. And more importantly, I forget and forgive all the bad deeds of the people.

For women of day, I feel that doing the thing that’s the best for you is the only key to success. Growing up in a dysfunctional family has definitely taught me that. My thoughts about getting married may be different than those of kids who have grown up in ‘normal’ families. That’s because I never met anyone who changed it neither was marriage ever a part of my plan. 

Today, I am proud of my parents

I believe I have been a great daughter to both my parents and I equally respect them both. Along with that, I also respect their decision and I don’t blame them for my own unsuccessful relationships. 

My mother once told me, ‘Your idea of happiness can be someone else’s idea of sadness. So instead of having an unhappy couple around you, we have decided to give you two happy people!’

Every time I look at both my parents now, I feel super proud of them. I can imagine my own kids playing around my father like I wanted to. And I know that this time he will be equally involved in it. 

Though we only talk once or twice a year, the only thing I feel for my dad is love and respect. It is very hard for me to make new friends and there are times I tend to get scare because I feel like I am not fitting it. And I have realised that it is okay and that it happens and it taught me a lot.

The world is beautiful only if you choose to look at it that way

The world is a beautiful place and life is all about living and letting go of things that nobody can change. It is your life and the negative thoughts about dysfunctional families are often complete myths.  

I just want all those of you who come from dysfunctional families who blame your parents, that it is okay and we understand your decision. To all the parents who took the decision to leave a null and void marriage, we don’t judge you and understand that we may be dysfunctional but we’re still a family. 

Someone very close to me once said, “We don’t choose our family.” So let’s let that be as it is and not raise kids like our parents raised us. Let us all be happy and spread happiness and kindness, because, no matter what, people will try to degrade you.

So the best you can do is take that in a good way and wipe those tears, scrub those bruises off of your heart and make the world a better place. Do not forget to respect and love your parents since they are the reason you are a part of this world. 

All I’d like to say now, is that I am a daughter who loves her separated parents unconditionally. 

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Kal Ho Naa Ho…

Liked This Post?

Get our weekly Relationships Blast - all the best posts on Relationships in one place! Register at Women's Web to get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads!    

Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!

How To Combine Career With Motherhood

Comments

Share your thoughts! [Be civil. No personal attacks. Longer comment policy in our footer!]

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

Do you want to be part of a network curated for working women?

""