Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
My takeaway from the movie Thappad was the conversation between Amrita's parents, about how married women compromise on their dreams because of conditioning by patriarchy.
My takeaway from the movie Thappad was the conversation between Amrita’s parents, about how married women compromise on their dreams because of conditioning by patriarchy.
I wasn’t much interested in watching the movie Thappad as from the reviews and trailers, we got the essence of the movie, and secondly this is not a movie to watch with my 5+ yr old twins. But now when Amazon Prime is streaming the movie and there was nothing much to do this weekend, I watched it.
What stayed with me from the movie?
Thappad movie has showcased various emotions of women from all walks of life. But what caught my attention and provoked me the most to write is not the exuberant domestic help Sunita didi, devoted housewife Amrita, or the progressive lawyer Netra, nor even the slap or “just a slap”, but a conversation between Amrita’s parents when she finally decided to take divorce. A conversation of great significance for Indian women, which seems to be hidden in between so many powerful performances and dialogues.
The conversation goes like this.
Mother: Women have to suppress their feelings to keep the family together. (Man marna padta hai!)
Father: There’s no need to suppress ones feelings. Did you ever have to?(Aapko kabhi marna pada hai man?)
Mother: Of course I did. Didn’t I have desires? My father wanted me to sing on All India Radio. But I had to compromise. Should I have looked after the house and kids? Or sing songs?
Father: Did I ever stop you?
Mother: So what if you didn’t? Don’t I have a mind of my own? Didn’t I know what was important?
Father: Who told you what was important.
Mother: My mother said home is important, her mother taught her this. Didn’t you know? Did you ever ask, “Why don’t you sing anymore?”
Mother: But you knew people would gossip…if I had sung after marriage. I didn’t say a word, but you let it pass too. YES, I have suppressed my feelings! (Man marna pada)
Doesn’t this happen with us too?
Imagine that the in-laws’ home is supportive – they want to support. But, our conditioning is such that after marriage, we women leave our career, our passion, our dreams for the sake of our family, and that too often when no one tells us to do so. But the idea of sacrifice is taught to girls as they grow up, and we ourselves think being women we are supposed to make sacrifices. Sacrifice for family, for kids. We never share our problems with our husband, we don’t discuss with other family members, and don’t look for the solutions. We just believe that the entire onus to run the family is on our shoulders, so we have to compromise.
And later at one point of time we start blaming our life partner that because of him we endured our entire life. We always conclude that they know our aspirations, what’s hidden in our heart. And the guy doesn’t have an idea that his wife is making sacrifices. He thinks that we are taking care of house nicely, happily raising our kids, managing everything without complaining, so it must mean that we are content.
Why do we women always seek approval from our partner? Why do we want them to tell us to pursue our aspirations? Why do we look up to them for everything? Why do we held them accountable even for our dreams and then condemn later?
Why does this happen? Because cultured women don’t ask questions!!
We don’t even discuss our wishes with them as we think family is more important as our mother has told us. We’re so conditioned to this thinking that we want to be an ideal wife, a dutiful daughter in law, and accept any situation as is, without expressing any apprehensions.
It might also be possible that our life partner doesn’t like us to pursue our dreams, so they don’t encourage us, but maybe they aren’t actively stopping us. Till the time no one is stopping us, I’d suggest that we women have to take it as a Yes. Because our lives are at stake.
Follow your heart, respect yourself love yourself!
There are so many talented women around us who aren’t able to follow their dreams because their family has not allowed them. Or if they do follow their dreams, they have to stand up to patriarchy, they have to fight for it. And we aren’t pursuing just because no one has told us to.
Come on friends, if we want to make a difference to our lives then don’t wait around for an approval. We have to take that first step.
Introspect and act, Mat maro apna mann!
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
I am a mother of lovely boy and girl twins. Chartered Accountant and Company Secretary by profession, working as freelancer.
Fitness enthusiast, you can see me in gym lifting weights and I can also be read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
He said that he needed sometime to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space, I didn't want to be the clingy one.
Trigger Warning: This deals with mental trauma and depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
I am someone who believes in honesty and trust, I trust people easily and I think most of the times this habit of mine turns into bane.
This is a story of how a matrimonial website service turned into a nightmare for me, already traumatized by the two relationships I’ve had. It’s a story for every woman who lives her life on the principles of honesty and trust.
And when she enters the bedroom, she sees her husband's towel lying on the bed, his underwear thrown about in their bathroom. She rolls her eyes, sighs and picks it up to put in the laundry bag.
Vasudha, age 28 – is an excellent dancer, writer, podcaster and a mandala artist. She is talented young woman, a go getter and wouldn’t bat an eyelid if she had to try anything new. She would go head on with it. Everyone knew Vasudha as this cheerful and pretty young lady.
Except when marriage changed everything she knew. Since she was always outdoors, whether for office or for travelling for her dance shows, Vasudha didn’t know how to cook well.
Going by her in-laws definition of cooking – she had to know how to cook any dishes they mentioned. Till then Vasudha didn’t know that learning to cook was similar to getting an educational qualification. As soon as she entered the household after her engagement, nobody was interested what she excelled at, everybody wanted to know – what dishes she knew how to cook.