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Dear potential MIL, we are happy to wait for someone. The someone whose family will understand our ambitions and treat us as a humans.
My heart bleeds at the kind of behaviour towards the women in our country. But before we blame only patriarchy for this, there are certain other things we need to pay attention to as well. We need to look at the women around us.
Most of these women, be it our mothers, grandmothers and aunts, especially the ones with sons are constantly hunting for the ideal daughter-in-law. And the selection criteria for these daughters-in-law ranges from being a skilled cook to being able to make love to their sons perfectly. Because, how can you not excel in cooking and cleaning! Do you want our sons to die?
You may excel at your job and earn six digit figures, but knowing how to cook and doing the household work is the bare minimum for my DIL. If you have any other talents, they help us brag about you to the outside world and prove our forward thinking nature. Plus, it helps us show you that as women, we are on your team too!
When we entered our houses as newly married brides, we endured the same behaviour all our lives. But now it is our turn to draw sadistic pleasure by passing on the legacy. Or wait. Is it about revenge? Have we, somewhere, become accustomed to this behaviour and it started looking fair? Or was it because the system became an integral part of our lives and our patis became our parameshwars.
Now we know that our sons deserve the same treatment- they need to be treated like they are your pati parameshwar. So, dear to-be daughter-in-law, you better qualify our parameters or there is nothing stopping us from bitching about you day in and day out.
Almost all our married lives, our competency was judged on our ability to do household work. And as the perfect mothers and wives, we have the license to question you about your ability to do the household work. Whether you flew to the moon or are running a country, we need to know if you can keep your husband happy. Thus, we will say this, “Can you do the household work and keep your husband happy? If not, your existence is under question, my dear. And you cannot be a part of our family.”
Well, dear mummy-ji’s or potential mummy-ji’s, as the women of the new era, we have something to say as well. You see, we all grew up hearing the same things from our elders so much that it doesn’t bother us anymore.
Yes, you read that right. We are sorry to disappoint you but we have come so far ahead in our lives with minimal support, we are now self-sufficient. So if we don’t qualify according to your bahu material standards, we are okay with it. We are happy to wait for someone. The someone whose family will understand our ambitions and not treat us as mere house-helps. And believe us, we have thought this through.
As for us proving our mettle, delivering a presentation or winning a contract is worth more than the praises we will get by becoming the ‘shobha’ of your house. Because guess what! Cooking and sweeping the house are side jobs. They do not bring us the same satisfaction that excelling all the tasks and outshining men at work does.
I do hope you get this point someday and that it happens soon, for it is your sons who are losing out by then. So hurry up, please?
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Veere Di Wedding
Marketeer by profession, a dreamer yet a realist. If some one has to raise a voice to bring about a change, it has to be you. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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