The COVID-19 Checklist According To A Very Privileged Indian Woman (Hint: Includes Lots Of SM)

What? And you thought I’d be talking about groceries and masks?! Get a life! Or rather, I should get a life!

Stock up on sanitiser and handwash. Post pic on social media. – Check

Read a zillion news articles and social media posts on Corona – Check

Panic. Post on social media – Check

Transition from calling it Corona to COVID-19 as it sounds more professional, although you are not a medical professional – Check

Consider skipping bath. Take a sniff of your clothes and decide against it – Check

Scroll through your friends’ achievements during lockdown that have been proudly announced on various social media sites – Check

Compare above with your days that begin at 9 and meals that consist of reheated dal. Be attacked by a serious case of FOMO even during lockdown – Check

Celebrate graduation from Whatsapp University ((Hons.) Elective – Gyan Absorber. What? The alternative was Gyan Dispenser) – Check

Swear to be more productive and pour out your new found enthusiasm into whipping up a cup of dalgona until your arm is ready to fall off. Post pic on social media – Check

Attempt to bake some homemade buns just because everyone else seems to be doing it. – Check

Repeat because you forgot to post it on social media. Now don’t forgot to post pic on social media – Check

Vow to lose all that weight gained from chugging the dolgonas and stuffing yourself with above mentioned buns. Download apps such as Cure.Fit – Check

Mental health is equally important they said. So download meditation apps such as Headspace – Check

Try and do some art. Post pic on social media with #quarantineandchill – Check

Hunt for the Kindle and dig it up from a pile of electronic paraphernalia which you have no idea how you accumulated – Check

Dust the Kindle, charge it up and start reading a book which has been sitting plaintively for God knows how long on your reading queue – Check

Oh nearly forgot! Post pic on social media #quarantinereading – Check

Download Zoom and spend the next 30 minutes saying various versions of, “Can you hear me?”, “Can you see me?” “I can/cannot hear you”, “I can/cannot see you.” to various people. Take a screenshot and – you got it – post pic on social media – Check

Finish Netflix – Check

Sit and ponder about life – Check

Skip bath – Check

Daydream about stepping out, and, if you are particularly ambitious – even about a cherished trip – Check

Try to hold on to your sanity as you help your child with online classes. Take a look at the stunted tree and the duck with a bizarrely deformed head that she has drawn and come to the conclusion that yes artistic talent must be carried over in one’s genes – Check

Bug the husband for some time pass – Check

Start a YouTube channel – Check

Wait for lockdown to end so that you can go back to your routine, the highlight of which was to shove the husband and offspring out the door by sharp 7 AM, wave them a fond goodbye from the window and then go and….smoke pot? No! Watch 50 Shades Of Grey? Nah! Although if you ever witness the enthusiasm and eagerness with which I send them off, perhaps you might be forgiven for the suspicion.

In reality, simply go about my rather mundane household chores without the constant chattering of a precocious Kindergartner and the hundred other interruptions that come with having more than one person in the house. – Check!

Image source: shutterstock

Anne John

Anne John plays with words for a living and would probably do the same even

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