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Ever wished to attend a course on how to be a good wife? Don’t worry, here is a primer from the University Of Sanskaari (established circa 1761).
Issued strictly in public interest
Yesterday, I had stepped into my neighbour’s house for a moment – and lo and behold! What do I see? Mr.Raj was washing vessels while Mrs. Raj was happily sitting and playing with their daughter! Shocking, I tell you! Now, this is the very woman who drives their car even when the husband is right there, beside her! I don’t know what kind of man would even allow such a thing, but at least she herself have some sense? Can there be a worse way to make a man feel emasculated than this?!
In my humble opinion, the only thing that beats it is when they both come together to our apartment association meetings and she starts voicing her opinions loudly even as her poor husband sits by quietly! I mean, she could very well be a Manager in her fancy company and all, but really, what is the use if she doesn’t know how to be a good wife in a public place?! Honestly, I’m really worried about her.
At this rate, sadly, she is going to be divorced and lonely in a couple of years. Tsk, Tsk. And what’s worse, apparently, this kind of behaviour seems to be gaining prominence of late. Truly disappointing. Whatever happened to the good old times where wives remained wives and husbands, husbands?! Therefore, as I am sincerely concerned about where our Indian women and Indian society are headed, I’ve decided to pen down a few pointers for all the ‘modern young Indian women’ out there, on how to be a good wife to your husband.
You remember your vows don’t you? The minute you hear your husband so much as sneeze, spring into action and stir up an anti-cold concoction. Coax him to drink it up. Let him take rest. Now is not the time to ask him to pick up groceries and help with your child’s homework; no, no. Now is the time to stock up on the tissue boxes and to handhold your husband through his sickness. This my friend, is one of the true marks of a good wife.
A paunch on a man is a sign of a wife who cooks well – but nobody likes a woman with a flabby belly. Have only soups and salads if you must but don’t forget to get your hands on the latest vaginal tightening creams and breast firming lotions. Make sure to dye your greys too; after all men age like fine wine, but women? Not so much.
Once you are married, forget about any commitments that you might possibly have had to your parents. You see, no half decent husband is going to allow you to spend money on your parents; and why should you too? Your parents have handed you over to your husband’s family haven’t they? At the same time, don’t fail to lavish your mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law and her brood, brother-in-law, cousin-in-law, niece/nephew-in-law, aunt-in-law, uncle-in-law and – if budget permits – their neighbour and their dog too, with expensive, thoughtful and useful gifts on every single occasion – and sometimes even when there is no occasion. After all surprises are the essence of life, right?
If your parents visit you, please inform them strictly that they must leave within a few hours and not burden your in-laws with their unnecessary presence. Don’t serve them too much food – your in-laws wouldn’t appreciate you wasting their son’s hard-earned money.
Who do you think you are? The lady of the house – that’s it, right? Then play your role well and that includes deferring all decisions starting from what dinner to cook to which school to send your child to, to your husband. Don’t start acting all independent and over smart – if anyone asks, just say that your husband’s wish is your wish or that you will ask your husband first before taking a call.
You have no business talking to any other man except your beloved husband. Don’t invite them over to your house and never ever accept any invitations to parties or events where you might have to interact with other men by yourself. In fact, it would be even better if you would restrict the number of female friends too – they are really just a waste of your precious time, which could be used wisely to mend your husband’s ripped shirt or polishing his shoes instead of some mindless gossiping.
The state of your husband’s health and well-being is hanging around your neck- not on the 5 oily samosas that he gulps down every evening or on the ghee soaked laddoos that his mother feeds him on a regular basis. So, don’t ever cause his life any harm; take good care of that thick gold chain around your neck.
Aren’t these steps easy to follow? God has blessed you with a man – do you know how many women are suffering without a man to protect them from the evils of the world? Be thankful and pray daily for this divine gift from above – and I assure you, you will pass the exam on how to be a good wife with flying colours!
Note: The writer has a strong belief in her writing skills and is hence confident that her snarky cynicism comes through clearly in this write-up. In case she is sadly mistaken about her writing prowess, she would like to state explicitly that this post is meant to be sarcastic and that neither she nor Women’s Web advocates becoming the kind of doormat this article speaks of, and are in fact strongly against it.
Image is a still from the movie Vivah
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