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Even today, glorifying motherhood and questioning women’s choices about having children, is the norm in India. This needs to change.
Even today, glorifying motherhood and questioning women’s choices about having children, is the norm in India.
Recently the Facebook Motherhood challenge resurfaced and women in India religiously followed the rules and posted five pictures with their children and tagged five other ‘amazing’ moms to the post, thus keeping the challenge alive.
Social media was abuzz with motherhood pictures, with images of mothers with their children; the hashtag is always a huge hit, and gets trending every now and then.
Women proudly flaunt their motherhood with images; for some it is just light-hearted fun, for others, it is a proud display of their dear kids. The emotion, the affective content behind these images are priceless and are, cherished ones, no doubt. But are they appropriate? Are they in the right spirit of feminist values we have been trying to uphold in an increasingly misogynous Indian context?
Indian society is undoubtedly a patriarchal one, where narratives glorifying motherhood always become popular and reinforce the values of the mother, the sacrificing, heavenly image of a woman whose identity gets shrunk into that of a mother, wife, daughter and so on. From the self-sacrificing mother of the mythical times to the maternal tags we give to women as a symbol of honour today, motherhood and images glorifying the status of motherhood are aplenty.
As in the rest of the world, motherhood is a cultural phenomenon exploited by the media and the commoditized social reality to serve the interests of capitalism. Images of motherhood have been used in nation building activities and as part of political agendas across the world. It is institutionalised everywhere and gendered stereotyping is the norm. Perceptions about motherhood revolve around devotion, compassion, caregiving and of course, sacrifice of the supreme kind. Frameworks of motherly affection and expectations are faithfully set in place for women to fit in snugly.
Social sanctions given to the ‘coveted’ position of motherhood triggers reactions of various kinds in our society that seeks to pull back the progressive nature of several movements that strive to create a better society for women in India. Women’s choices are constantly questioned when it comes to the issue of motherhood.
I have friends, couples who defiantly tell the world that they prefer not to be parents. They are forced to announce repeatedly, almost every year since their marriage, that they are couples who choose to remain childfree. The societal pressure such couples encounter is stressful and often the questions they are forced to hear intrude upon the private, intimate spaces of individuals. Apart from in the metros, living as a childfree couple is an arduous task.
Another category of women who suffer due to the myth of motherhood, are the women who are married and childless and hope to be mothers, if possible. This category of women undergoes the worse form of torture in the form of infertility treatments. Their bodies are violated, they undergo hormonal treatments that alter their temperaments and are subjected to emotional and physical harassment of an extreme nature. The social ostracism faced by women who are unable to conceive is often validated by this glorification of motherhood in images of popular culture.
Another form of social stigma attached to this concept of motherhood is the one faced by mothers who are accused of killing or hurting their children. Even before the law decides upon the course of punishment, or even before the crime has been proved, the woman accused of the crime is brutally attacked verbally, emotionally and at times even physically. Social media will spare not a moment to condemn her as the killer mother, or use the opportunity to vilify women who speak for equal rights. Feminism is then trolled extensively and motherhood is hailed as the ultimate goal before which the woman’s identity crumbles into insignificance.
So can we be a little more sensitive to the cultural and political nuances that define motherhood in contemporary society? We might be able to create a more inclusive society, not just for women but for all genders.
The top image is a screen grab from the Hindi movie Karan Arjun
Reads and writes and thinks about gender identities and cultural contexts.. involves actively in women's issues.. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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