Neena Gupta blames the ‘other woman’ in her latest video about not falling in love with a married man. Why don’t we ever blame the man for his infidelity?
Actress Neena Gupta recently posted an IGTV video where she speaks candidly about not falling in love with a married man. The 2:04 video can be found here.
It is the 11th video of her series titled ‘Sach Kahoon Toh.’ Here, she starts by talking about how these relationships start off.
“He tells you he doesn’t like his wife and they are not getting along for a long time. You fall in love with him, he is a married guy. Then you say ‘why don’t you separate.’ But he says ‘no, no there are kids, I don’t feel like, let’s see what happens, maybe some day.’
“So you start meeting secretly and go on holidays, but he finds it difficult as he has to lie about his plans. Then you say you want to spend a night with him. Then you want to spend more nights together and ultimately you want to marry him,” she says in the video.
The video is extremely candid. But what is strange is that whenever an extra-marital affair is being discussed, it is only the wife or the ‘other woman’ who are targeted. It is funny how in such cases, the man faces almost no backlash. Or worse, he isn’t even considered a part of the picture.
In cases of infidelity, there are three entities involved- the woman, the other woman and the man. The woman is unaware of what is happening between the other two or she might have some inkling about it because sixth sense. ‘The other woman’ and the man are clearly aware of the repercussions that might follow. As the old Hindi adage goes ‘taali sirf ek haath se nahi bajti,’ both parties have an equal hand.
The wife is the ‘bechari’ or ‘abla naari’ and the ‘other woman’ is negatively painted as an antagonist whose primary aim is to break the couple. She is talked about in Machiavellian terms (the shrewd Lady Macbeth) and the society attacks her for stealing someone’s ‘suhaag.’
If the wife is not painted as a lady-in-distress, frequent jibes are made at her incompetence in satisfying her husband’s needs and desires. Society then says that since the wife was unable to please her husband, he took the solace in another woman.
Both women, are reduced to objects of mere pleasure and their personality, character and merit is stripped off totally. It is bizarre how, in the video, Neena Gupta places the blame squarely on the ‘other woman.’ Nowhere is the man blamed for infidelity even though he plays an equal part in it.
Infidelity, in any relationship, is completely uncalled for. The blame and the onus almost never falls on the man except for a minuscule portion of exceptions. Both the women are pitted against each other and the so called ‘cat-fight’ ensues. The man, meanwhile, will happily go around leading his life without an iota of guilt. And both the woman have to go on and prove their worth for a man, who isn’t even loyal!
The whole ideology of women being each other’s greatest enemy is propagated like anything. And it is saddening how women fall for it. In such times, we need to ask why is the man not held accountable for his actions?Why did he even lead someone else while he was already engaged somewhere else?
“You eventually think about leaving him as you don’t want to get into so many complications. He says f*** off to you. Then what do you do?” asks Neena Gupta.
Why can the man not be called out for leading on not just one but both the women? Once again, I am emphasising that cheating in any form is wrong and none of the parties involved are doing the right thing.
“Do not fall in love with a married man,” declares Neena Gupta. While the video is heartfelt and sentimental, her views expressed come only from one vantage point.
The criticism towards the other woman is just and also natural. However, the notion of putting the blame and onus on the women is something that needs to be introspected upon and changed.
Picture credits: Neena Gupta’s Instagram
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A Journalism student. When not busy with college and assignments, I read a lot. Big
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