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We are often asked to stop crying or expressing ourselves. Why is our society so afraid of tears? Shouldn’t we just people feel what they want to?
“Be strong. If you cry who will handle others?” “Don’t cry, tears are a sign of weakness!” “Stop crying. You are not a girl. Boys don’t cry!!”
I have somehow not been able to assimilate these lines well, though I try to ignore them until recently.
The idea of this article conceived in my mind when I was a part of an unpleasant situation. A dear friend’s father has passed away. I had never met uncle, the little I heard about him and my experience with this friend, I understood that she was every bit his reflection.
In those moments, she just wanted a hug and to share everything that had happened. She probably wanted to talk about the series of events that happened before the fateful hour. And how she felt. But isn’t that obvious?
She wanted to share her father’s stories. I could see that the more she talked about it, more relieved she seemed. The tears automatically seemed drying up though the downpour was expected anytime again considering the personal & emotional loss of her father who was her closest friend as well.
But all she could afford at that sad hour was not control her tears. A person with an underlying stress was told that she should not cry. She was constantly told to think of who will take care of her brother, her kids, and her mom.
Women in our country have been always asked to not sob or express their grief in such situations. They are supposed to bind the family together and crying is taken as a sign of weakness.
While what we need to understand and teach our kids as well that it is completely fine to be expressive and over & above all – it is alright to shed some tears.
If you want to shout out loud, that should be perfectly accepted.
We are humans for God’s sake and are blessed to have the ability to be expressive. Sometimes when we are not able to use words, the emotional system of our body tries to work through the tear ducts and it’s all natural to the very molecule of every tear drop.
If someone is not able to grieve or cry or express themselves over a situation, they may fall victim to depression. Which is yet another thing the society refuses to acknowledge.
It is said that when one cries as a response to stress, it releases endorphins which lead to relieving the stress. This helps the emotional and the physical pain the person may be feeling.
If a person is sick, we do everything to provide them with the best care. At the same time, if someone is sad or depressed, why do we tell them not to ‘throw tantrums’?
Since childhood, men are told that crying is a question of his manhood. And it has always been looked at as a ‘feminine’ only feature. And due to that, most men are unable to be supportive of a woman in pain.
I am not saying that women have a trump card of being emotional or they should use it to their advantage. What I am saying is that it a way to express themselves. At the time if the person is unable to find someone confide their feelings too, the situation at hand will only worsen.
In most of the houses, the women are expected to take care of the house, the kids, while also keeping food ready and keep the house immaculate at all times. Why do we assume that they are born with the gene that takes care of all this? Are they ever asked if they are willing to do it all or even if they have the capacity to do it all?
We need to teach our daughters that they need not be superwomen. Instead, we need to teach them to be brave but expressive. They need not be submissive. In fact, our daughters should be confident enough to voice their thoughts and put them on the table.
Most of us will agree there is a reason behind how a person behaves or reacts. Quite often this reaction is just the tip of the iceberg and there is more going on than is visible to the eye.
If you are thoughtful enough to notice it and ask the other person about it, it is more than enough to help the person, at times. The person going through emotional distress is very sensitive of what is said to them.
If you see someone around you- feeling sad or have the need to unload their thoughts, don’t hide from them, give them an ear and comfort and soothe them. Like I said, we are humans and if we are happy from within, we will only share positive vibes that will help everyone around us.
So why not go and lend a ear or a shoulder to someone in need?
Picture credits: Pexels
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A Creative Writer by choice and an IT person by profession, Shruti likes to make
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