A number of women dream of becoming a mother but their dreams are shattered due to so many reasons. But this mother didn’t give up till she held her twins in her arms!
It all started when we were enjoying our stay at Queen of Hills, Shimla. Nature out there was simply spectacular and picturesque to fill our mind and soul.
We were celebrating our fifth marriage anniversary in the cradle of nature’s serenity and tranquillity. The day was filled with calls from friends, family and well-wishers. But each call had an underlying statement in it to ‘go from two to three.’ In short, asking us when we were going to become parents.
We had had enough time as a couple. Now was the time to embrace the higher responsibility. The mission to attain parenthood was given a green flag. So we tried our best with the my internal alarm clock set so we never missed a single chance during the ovulation phase of my monthly cycle.
Alas! We tried for a year. But even a year later, our efforts bore no fruit. By now the age factor had also started to kick in, especially for me. We were forced to knock on the doors of gynaecologists seeking help in conceiving. The primary and secondary investigations looked good, so a new hope was ushered in as we found some source of positivity.
But it wasn’t to be! Our world came crashing down when I didn’t conceive despite all the medication and trials for five months. Couples who conceive definitely have lady luck beside them.
Trust me, it is a painful process where upgrading the treatment meant more medicines, frustration and the dreadful injections. Soon, I was upgraded to the IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) process. This meant, three attempts and an average of four to five shots every month. Though dreadful, I was glad the number of injections was in single digits.
Destiny was testing our patience, especially mine. All three attempts failed at the best hospital of Kolkata. I was walking in a tunnel of despondency where I could see no light. For me, it was an unending journey of frustration and hopelessness.
Doctors advised us to take up surgery as I had a small uterine fibroid. Though fibroids are very common in the uterus, and most of the women in their productive age have it, they are usually harmless.
They are removed only when they are either too big or malignant in nature. The doctor advised us to go for Myomectomy (removal of fibroid). It looked harmless but it could be causing hindrance in conceiving, is what the doctor said.
I dared to take a chance as that was the only ticket to fulfil my dreams of experiencing motherhood. It is better to make the decision than none at all. And I took the plunge. The decision was made to go for surgery and then again try for IUI for two more attempts.
My family left the decision to me and assured that they would always support me. Till date, I thank my stars for such supportive in-laws and husband.
We were unaware of the nightmare that was waiting for us. The storm was yet to come and befall on my family more than me. It was a laparoscopic operation and I was in the hands of the best surgeon of the city.
With hope in my heart and a smile on my lips, I entered the operation theatre, looking into my soulmate’s eyes till we could see each other. When I came to, and slowly opened my eyes, all I saw was doctors and nurses around.
I was put on a ventilator. A huge pipe was forced down my neck. It was difficult to breathe and I had no way to express, except with gestures. Five minutes later, I saw my MIL, she was in tears. But my husband, Bibek, looked strong. He gave me a big smile- a smile to assure me that nothing had gone wrong. The storm had passed without harming us.
Long story short, the operation was a harrowing experience for both my MIL and my husband. I had collapsed on the table during the operation and my blood pressure dropped and then shot up. The high blood pressure resulted in my heart stopping beating, which lead to pulmonary oedema. (A condition where the heart pumps backwards and fills water in lungs, making it difficult to breathe.)
It took me three days to get normal blood pressure and be fit enough to be discharged from the hospital. I had a close brush with death. But my story doesn’t just end here.
After this, my husband took a firm decision to stay childless. The entire hospital came to visit me and told me that he had cried like a baby. He thought he had lost me forever.
Three years passed. We decided to just stay a couple. Eat, pray and live our lives on our own terms. No chasing parenthood in all its futility.
Time heals every wound but the quest for motherhood still lingered in my heart, like a silent prayer. When you want something badly enough, even the universe conspires to make sure you receive what you want.
My life took another U-turn when I decided to go for IVF aka a test-tube baby. It was a tough decision but convincing Bibek was even tougher because he was dead set against undertaking any further trials. He did not want to risk my life or undergo any harrowing experience like the one he’d gone through earlier. After a lot of discussions and arguments, he finally agreed and we decided to take the plunge.
It all started with injections on a daily basis and let me tell you, those hormone injections are no pretty affair. They drain you out and you don’t have the energy to finish your chores. In my first IVF attempt, I took as many as 200 injections. I had to undergo another minor surgery to extract eggs from my ovary. Today, when I look back all the pain, suffering, the injections and the nightmare I went through, I see it was worth it when I hear my tiny tots giggle around me.
In a very case, my first attempt at IVF was successful and we were blessed with twins. There was a life lesson hidden here. One that says you shouldn’t hesitate to make a decision when your heart aspires for something. You may not always be successful but you will have the satisfaction of at least having tried to achieve your dreams.
There is no success without trial. Life experiences while attaining motherhood taught me to embrace the philosophy of ‘Hakuna Matata’ which basically means live your life without worries, and believe that everything will be alright.
The Hakuna Matata philosophy is not to run away from your problems and challenges but to face it head-on with courage even when you are scared.
Picture credits: Pexels
A version of this article was earlier published here.
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Mommy of two tiny tots, an ex Banker by profession. Passionate Odissi and Kathak dancer.
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