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We're a social animal, but so many of us find it difficult to talk about (or respond to others talking about) sadness and other negative things.
We’re a social animal, but so many of us find it difficult to talk about (or respond to others talking about) sadness and other negative things.
Over the last few weeks, a thought has been nagging me.
Indians are a strange lot. We love chattering but only about shiny, happy matters. Broach a complicated question and we clam up. In fact, we can go on for hours about geopolitics or the latest Bollywood gossip, but do not utter even a squeak about things that truly affect our lives. Maybe, we think that not chatting about it will make it go away.
People only want to see glowing pregnancy and adorable baby photographs. Nobody wants to discuss things like miscarriages, high risk pregnancies, and fertility treatments.
People only want to see in-love couples, and shiny wedding photos. Nobody wants to converse about divorces and heartbreaks.
People only want to hear about awards, promotions, and salary hikes. Nobody wants to express anything about layoffs and toxic office cultures.
People only want to know about certifications, degrees, and pedigrees. Nobody wants to say anything about failures.
Despite India being a collectivist society, Indians are retreating into shells. What we do not realize is that many of us are battling demons. Yet, we feel that we are the only ones fighting, because we have not heard anyone else mention it.
The moment we ourselves start sharing, we will realize we are not alone in our struggles. (Personal Experience!) And, disclosing does ease the burden. (Or, if you are a cynic, think of it this way – misery loves company!)
So, the next time, I am going to ditch the small talk and the political discussions, and will instead ask, “Are you grappling with anything?” or “Is there something you want to speak about?” or “Is there something I can help you with?”.
(I wish more women asked, “Are you okay?” rather than the pathetic “So, when are you giving the good news?”)
Author’s note: Before you send me brickbats, here’s my humble submission – I am not against talking about happy subjects. I just request that a balance to be maintained.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: unsplash
There is so much about me. Foodie. Introvert. Opinionated. Photogenic. Pragmatic. Receptive. Walker. Worrier. Blogger. Mother’s confidante. Voracious reader. Winter lover. Travel blogger. Father’s best friend. Husband’s soul mate. Daughter, wife, dogma, read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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