#CelebrateingtheRainbow at the workplace – share your stories of Pride!
Everyone is blaming women for "getting raped" and putting restrictions on them. Utter nonsense. Put the blame where it really belongs.
Everyone is blaming women for “getting raped” and putting restrictions on them. Utter nonsense. Put the blame where it really belongs.
India sadly still has a rape statistic as high as 106 rapes every day. Each time a rape case makes it to national headlines and the discourse rises about sexual violence, the thrust is often wrong.
Our social media gets abuzz with ‘guidelines for women to prevent rape’, and media reports such cases in a click-bait manner, using phrases like the accused were “under the influence of alcohol” or were “addicted to porn”.
This is the strange thing about how India reacts to such tragedies. We blame everything else but never the rapists, the men who rape get away scot free at least from any social sanction. They are labelled beasts, mentally deranged, or monsters.
Society thus conveniently distances itself from its contribution to the rape culture from which these men originate – the rapists and the police who show their insensitive side every time. They have all been raised in this sexist and misogynist culture where we detest girls even before they are born, and considering them some ‘thing’ that is a liability.
It is time we start blaming the men who rape for the rape, and not everything else as the main culprits.
It was believed for many years that “pornography is theory and rape is practice.” Over the decades several research studies have proven that there is no direct connection between these two. South Africa the country that has highest rapes per 10, 0000 women has low consumption of pornography.
In a study Danish criminologist Berl Kutchinsky found that the availability of pornography even the “aggressive” type, did not correlate directly with increase in rates of sexual violence. Czech Republic, Japan, China and Denmark have all proven that more and easy access to porn has in fact allowed a safe expression for its adults of their sexual urges and hence reduced rates of both sexual offences and child abuse.
India is the third largest consumer of pornography globally and don’t be surprised that 30% of those consumers are women, but these women don’t go out and rape, so is porn the problem, or the men consuming it wrongly?
In countries like India where there is immense taboo around sex, and a serious lack of sex education, pornography often becomes first default sex educator, and that can indeed distort the notion of sex for many young people.
To clarify – is not the consumption of pornography that definitely leads to real-world sexual violence, it is the consumption of ‘rape videos’ and ‘extreme porn’ without proper guidance that leads to wrong practices and often crimes by youth. But outlawing pornography isn’t the solution. Outlawing pornography suggests that those who enjoy it—including women—are deviant, which is oppressive too. The ideal society should regulate the circulation of sexual material but not ban it completely.
Sadly most parents often themselves lack proper vocabulary or confidence to speak to children about their bodies, puberty, safe sex, contraception and consent. Kids end up getting distorted information from equally clueless friends, a hugely sexist popular culture, and from porn, leading to a generation that either has hugely exaggerated and violent views about sex, or no knowledge at all.
We thus create a hugely claustrophobic society sexually. A young adult boy or girl wanting to masturbate safely in a private space should not be taboo. Adult men and women having sex with consent or indulging in some public display of affection must not be stigmatised. Parents talking about sex in families must be the norm.
Let us try to educate our boys and men to be more evolved sexually to not use sex as violence, and regulated age-appropriate pornography can be a tool in that process.
Image source: a still from the movie Stree
Pooja Priyamvada is an author, columnist, translator, online content & Social Media consultant, and poet. An awarded bi-lingual blogger she is a trained psychological/mental health first aider, mindfulness & grief facilitator, emotional wellness trainer, reflective read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Can you believe this bloke compelled me to wear only saris - full time at home- till the eighth month of my pregnancy?! The excessive heat coupled with humidity made my life miserable.
Recently when I browsed an interesting post by a fellow author on this very forum I had a sense of déjà vu. She describes the absolutely unnecessary hullabaloo over ladies donning nighties and /or dupatta –less suits.
I wish to narrate how I was in dire straits so far wearing a ‘nightie’ was concerned.
I lived in my ultra orthodox sasural under constant surveillance of two moral guardians (read Taliban) in the shape of the husband’s mom and dad. The mom was unschooled and dim-witted while the dad was a medical practitioner. But he out-Heroded the Herod in orthodoxy.
My supervisor introduced me as a valuable member of the team, emphasizing my skills and contributions rather than focusing on my gender identity. This simple act set the tone for my experience in the workplace.
As a transwoman navigating the corporate world, I had encountered my fair share of discrimination and challenges. Transitioning without the support of my parents and having limited friendships in my personal life made the journey difficult and lonely. However, when I stepped into the office, something remarkable happened, I left behind the stress and negativity, embracing a space where I could truly be myself.
Joining the marketing team as a graphic designer, I was initially apprehensive about how my colleagues would react to my gender identity. But to my surprise, the atmosphere was welcoming and respectful from day one. My supervisor, Sarah, introduced me as a valuable member of the team, emphasizing my skills and contributions rather than focusing on my gender identity. This simple act set the tone for my experience in the workplace.
As I settled into my role, I discovered that my colleagues went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and included. They consistently used my correct name and pronouns, creating an environment where I could be authentically me. Being an introvert, making friends wasn’t always easy for me, but within this workplace, I found a supportive community that embraced me for who I truly am. The workplace became a haven where I could escape the stresses of my personal life and focus on my professional growth.
Please enter your email address