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You may be a misfit, you may have been broken but that doesn’t mean you can’t rise above from the ashes. Rise up, like a phoenix, for you are strong.
Being born a woman is in itself a very powerful thing. I believe we are created with the mechanism of love and with the nature of a nurturer. And that in itself is an emblem of power. We are the epitome of love, peace and courage.
Being a part of the Indian Army family, we travelled and lived in various places and experienced different cultures. I began accepting it all as a part of life. But very rarely did the society, place or people accept me, as I was always different, a misfit and the cornered kid.
Even now, as a woman, I am quite a misfit. I have always lived my life according to my heart because I am an illiterate when it comes to worldly nuisances and predictive societal norms. This led to me being disliked by many and loved by some. I have no guilt in making my own mistakes and taking unknown paths with unexpected consequences.
From being a Research Associate in the Central Drug Research Institute (CDRI) to becoming a theatre artist, singer and writer, I have always carried my gypsy vibe with me in all my avatars.
One such avatar was that of an abused girlfriend. I have always wanted to tell my story to a bigger audience, and to share what I learnt in hopes that no one else faces it. Though I was never beaten up physically, all four pillars of my foundation were uprooted by this man.
The man I called my ‘lover’ broke me down, emotionally, physically and financially. He abandoned and discarded me and even tried to separate me from my family. That man ruined my image and tried to destroy my dignity. What he didn’t know was that it isn’t something so small that turns gold to charcoal. Like a phoenix, I rose, and blazed bright like a heavenly fire with my wings of wisdom.
I lost two government jobs, was forced to have two abortions, used for sex and money, was separated from my family, lost Rs. 5.5 lakhs but I have no guilt or negativity about it. This experience has shaped me into a fighter, a dreamer and a soulful spiritual personality.
For weeks, I drowned myself in tears and filled my body with a sleepless paranoia. But one day, I asked myself why I wasn’t happy and if I would ever be happy. I asked myself if I had lost every important aspect of my existence including my dignity. That’s when my gut answered and told me that the storm was over.
A certain light came into me that filled me with life again. I got up, opened my doors to life and got ready to hustle again.
Peers laughed behind my back every time I passed them, they thought I was a slut. Numerous colleagues stepped in my house as a friend-consoler and were thrown out as molesters. I was asked to have sex directly by several men. Even my boss hated me because, according to him, I was too strong, wise and bold to be a woman. My colleagues changed my status from single to unmarried.
I was judged, hated and crushed by every other male chauvinist of the patriarchal society. My legs felt as if they were bound by chains. So to free them, I turned my calm into frenzy and sarcastic humour became my shield.
And I realised life was beautiful, especially when I could ignore the whole world and focus attenuating myself towards my vibrations and goals. I explored my depths of heart and brain.
In life, I believe, we either teach or learn. This is the classroom for our souls to complete Samsara (the cycle of soul the only righteous thought is love, peace and compassion) which is a knowledge that comes through intuition and a meditative mind.
No overthinking, negativity, or material can control destiny only patience unfolds life. And only through listening to the universe, seeing its signs may help us live the actual purpose of our soul calling.
At 27, I live guilt free and regret free. My life is filled with positivity despite experiencing not just the highs but the lows too. I am in search of my soul’s purpose, I am a fitness enthusiast who smokes. And a theatre artist who is single, unmarried and happy.
Picture credits: Pexels
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