5 Torturous Behavior Patterns That We Are Not Obliged To Suffer In Our Day To Day Life

Posted: August 13, 2019

I was reading a positive energy quote today which read as follows

The Biggest lesson I learnt this year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for, whatever flows flows, what crashes crashes. It is what it is

While I read this, so many things meandered in each section of my mind and I found this very appealing. I felt that this doesn’t just stand true for me (i.e. not to force something on someone especially advises) which I have started resisting nowadays because I have inculcated this habit of respecting the space of others; It even stands true for people who tend to force certain things on me.

But the fact is that it is easier to read and understand, it is easier to apply this holy knowledge on self but again it cannot be “forced” on people to understand and apply on them as well. Thus the conclusion was that rather coming under pressure of a third person, I need to manage myself in such a way that the force or compulsions applied to me is repulsed back in an affirmative way of declining thing which doesn’t lead to any sort of misunderstanding and also any kind of discomfort for me as well. Managing self is far-far easier than changing people.

The quote educates that there are certain things which when forced loses its value. Be it relationships, friendships, love or even conversations. Things which happen naturally are beautiful, divine and worth genuine attention whereas things forced are shattering, distracting and treacherous.

I realized we often assume “suffering” as chronically painful experiences (mentally or physically) but we forget the small sufferings we face in a meeting, interacting and adjusting with some kind of people in our daily lives. Yes !! That equally is called sufferings as they keep on adding on our minds and hearts which at the end of the day makes us feel exhausted, quitting and dreading the next interaction. We are obligated at times to stay connected with such people and we continue dragging ourselves with the suffering they are giving to us through their torturous habits. Unknowingly we are forcing ourselves to tolerate something which we don’t wish to.

Thus managing self’s sanity, it is very important to first identify such qualities before getting into any arguments with such people that force you to feel like quitting from your life. I can say they are not entirely toxic people but have small torturous behavioural patterns who hover around you having all the supremacy to extract every bit of your energy and can make you feel helpless and gulp multivitamins to fight the battle again the next day.

Now when you read this variety of such species, you will be able to associate them very clearly with someone known to you and will be able to adjust yourself in such a way that you don’t feel the fatigue anymore while you are with them. So Identification is very important. Once you manage your relationships, conversations with them, they would no longer be forceful for you.

The Cribbers & The Fault Finders

These species are such who don’t believe in the word called “gratitude”. Instead of offering gratitude to whatever they possess, they choose to cry for things which they don’t have. They have an art of gathering attention, especially in the social circles by their hue and cry for things they possess. People who don’t know them start sympathizing with them but people who know them, wonder why they are not happy with the unending happiness they have been bestowed with. If such people are around you who have this skill of garnering the attention of people by their emotional dramas, you would now know that you have to distance yourself from them especially that particular time because clinging to such behaviours would, one or the other day make you habitual of finding gaps in your life as well. Such an attitude sucks the energy for sure and surrounds you with negativity. Try and look around for some power boosters or be one for yourself by distancing yourself from such negative conversations.

Similarly, the faultfinders are that segment of species who are made perfectly by the almighty and this is purely their misconceptions. They just cannot find goodness in anything. The beauty in rains would just be a puddle for them. The breathtaking winters would just be frustrating overloading weather for them. A homemade fried snack which is being savoured by everyone would just be an unhealthy product full of oil for them. You name anything and everything would be full of faults only. Best way to manage is to stop expecting a better comment from them, stop expecting an appreciation from them as you can’t force them to appreciate anything. They will flow as they flow and it’s you who should understand that and let it be

The Offensively Bold

I am sure everyone praises boldness. We all like courageous people who have guts to take a stand for the right thing anytime. But some people knowing this quality of them and knowing that fact that the world around them admires them for their boldness, gradually turn out to be offensively bold. Their sense of limiting their boldness diminishes with their self exalting attitude and at one point of time, they become rude, abusive and nasty. The fact that people admired their boldness is a justification for their gradual change in behaviour of being offensive. I know at the time we start avoiding any arguments or discussion of any issue with them lest they take another offensive bold step to help us which we never desired for. And avoiding such situations in front of them is the right way of managing self.

The Convincers

Such people are very cute in nature. They know what they want and somewhere they have decided already on one situation but they always try to take opinions from people. Seeking opinion is good but just in case your opinion doesn’t match with them, then you should understand that you are in a quagmire where you will drown ultimately. Such people will ask your opinion, and in case there is a mismatch, they will try every bit of the time to convince you till the time you agree to what they say.

Ok even if you give up on the discussion and finally agree to what they say, they will still not be happy as they will feel that you have agreed to them just to make them happy so they still want your genuine opinion. Just in case you come back to your original opinion, then you will not be spared and the history will repeat itself. Once you have identified such segment of people in your life, you now know that you have to question them first in their opinion and have to agree happily unless there is something really very critical. This would not be called as “giving up” but it would be “saving yourself.”

The Doubters

The name itself tells where it indicates. Such people are full of doubts with anything and everything. They are the once who would not be courageous enough to take a decision but are also capable of pulling you down when you are in a state of deciding on something. They can give hundred and thousands of fears and uncertainties about something which may not even happen or may not be there at all but their nature makes every situation/person/ act doubtful and conspiring. There is some motive behind every action, there is some reason for any situation, and there is something fishy about somebody according to them. You too start looking at those people, situation or acts with one eye. Not that such people are totally wrong. They definitely have some experience based on which they have their doubts. It is better to take their doubts as precautionary measures and do what your heart says. After all, there has to be a balance all the time.

The I, Me and Myself types

I am sure you would have encountered such people everywhere who have all the worldly knowledge, all worldly experience. It’s them, by which this earth is still in existence. They will cut short anyone telling their stories and would start their own experiences or their information sharing session and the original speaker finally loses all interest in the topic but has to still hear to their stories now. Such people are always about “I”, “me” and “ myself”. While reading this definition, if you can relate somebody in your circle who is totally the type, now you know what you have to do. Just manage yourself. Just understand that you are speaking in front of a person who is actually not interested to hear to what you have to say. …So control your emotions… !!

After writing all this, what comes straight in my mind is am I not having any such toxic behaviour pattern? I have to identify that soon and have to work on it too. Till that time, the readers can take help from this and manage yourself. ;-).

Image via Pixabay

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