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Women in India often find themselves in hostile waters once they are married. They struggle to get validation amidst misogyny and often end up losing their own identity.
Do women really have acceptability, is a question to reckon with. The point of acceptability is graver a concern when she reaches another household (by virtue of a wedlock) with a culture starkly different from hers. Most often than not, to avoid sounding misogynistic, her new folks claim to call her their daughter.
This “too good to believe a deal” wears off soon when she understands her acceptability is not remotely connected to the humane individual she is but, because she seems to have adapted to the new culture. This means how well she can rustle up a meal that she has learnt to cook, for she needs to appease the new roommates who also happen to be her new family. And very soon she turns into a trophy daughter- in- law whom the new household can flaunt of.
This also fulfills a sadistic pleasure when the mother- in- law can boast about her in the presence of her friends/family/relatives, basically all those who are either cursing or cribbing about their own daughter in law!
In this tussle of which household is a winner, a woman finds herself soon losing the identity that she had. She starts identifying herself with the different roles and responsibilities that she is deemed to fulfil besides living her own aspiration (if at all that is “allowed/permitted” ) of a working woman of the 21st century. More often than not it is seen, and it is quite sad that no matter how much her accomplishments at work are, she is still measured by the shape of her “roti” or the amount of “tadka” (spice & condiments) she adds in her lentils!
Men/husbands these days feel extremely proud about how progressive they are in their minds but prove it otherwise when they make statements like how cool or normal it is in their house for the woman to be “allowed” to follow what she wishes to. Firstly, in a progressive environment the question of “allowing” “permitting” or even “sanctioning” a need or request does not arise.
It is extremely disheartening that women need to put up an extra round of fight to achieve the slightest of things. The fact that she wishes to enter the kitchen but is shunned while menstruating is still unbelievable. Likewise a woman post marriage is expected to play to the tunes of her new roommates, the repeated use of the word roommate is because a woman never finds her space among her new family. We seem to have reached outer space but still fail to bridge the space that is created between a daughter- in- law and her new family.
Women and her acceptability is like those fairy-tales that our grandmothers narrated to us in our childhood- we have heard about them but never know if they were true or a figment of imagination!
A version of this was first published here.
Image Source: YouTube/2 States
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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