Proud To Say “I Got It From My Maa”

I feel proud when they compliment me, “I have a mind of my own.”

I blush when they say, “I am an amazing cook.”

I know where the thought flows from when they say, “My writing hits the right chord.”

I know they are right when they say, “I am strong.”

I know you always wished that someday I would grow up and say, “I got it from my MOM.”

Today, I want you to know Maa, “Yes! I got it all from you.”

Our love story began when I was as tiny as a grain of rice floating around feeling safe and cozy inside that amniotic sac. I know I made you feel sick, dizzy, anxious, nervous in the beginning yet you were so happy to have me inside you. I could sense your exuberance when you had whispered the news into Baba’s ear. He hugged you hard and almost left me gasping for breath.

Right away I felt LOVED.

I know your pregnancy was difficult with hardly any house help and a toddler running around the house. I know how miserable you felt experiencing that ugly morning sickness and how much you hated gulping down the milk every morning. Yet you did it for me. I am sorry about all the blood loss, I could hear your cries and wails during my birth but trust me Maa I was trying equally hard to step into the new world and hug you. I cannot thank you enough for taking all the pain during all these months and bringing me to life.

Right then for me, Maa stood for STRENGTH.

I am sorry about all the sleepless nights that I gave you after birth. I was very anxious in the beginning too. Your arms were the safest place for me. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having you beside me and so whenever you tried to put me to sleep in my crib I would cry. From your cozy womb to random strangers coochy cooing, the journey was too overwhelming for me. I got so busy adjusting myself to the new surrounding that I did not realize the physical exhaustion your body was going through and was unable to figure out the reason behind your occasional emotional outburst.

Amidst all the happenings, I realized the meaning of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Today I understand how difficult it must have been for you to give up all the wonderful opportunities that came your way just because you made a choice to be available for us. But you never wished to have sympathized for it. Motherhood is the greatest and hardest thing and you simply excelled at it.

Take ownership of the choices you make in life is what you ingrained in us.

When you’re sick, nobody takes care of you like your Mom. Your presence exuded the warmth of your womb. Even today when I am the mother of a child, I look for you when I am sick. That hasn’t changed Maa.

It goes without saying you were always my COMFORT ZONE.

I remember the day I had got my first period how sheepishly I had come to you and whispered something into your ears. You hugged me hard and said coming 7 days you will have to take care of yourself. You had your religious reservations but never did you project it as a social taboo. That remained ingrained.

No wonder today I question the SOCIETAL NORMS.

For every child “Maa ke hath ka khana” is always going to be special. I used to be hypnotized looking at you moving around in the kitchen churning out delicious meals. But I used to feel prouder when my friends made that special demand “Tumhare Maa ke hath ka khana khana hai”. That day when I had told you my friends were coming over for lunch, you asked me to postpone the plan which was unlike you. I had a meltdown and you finally succumbed to my demands. You had cooked all their favourites. All my friends were so happy and a special mention for your mutton curry. I was basking in the glory of being your daughter.

But you looked weak and exhausted that evening when you came back from the doctor’s clinic. You closed the door and cried, “The pregnancy was not viable.” I was oblivious of what you were going through.

All you earned that day from me was RESPECT.

You made Baba indebted to you for the way you took care of grandma during her last days in spite of the love-hate relationship you shared with her. And today, I am indebted to you for the way you have been taking care of Baba and my little one. I love you for how you have been constantly by my side during my right and sometimes not so right decisions.

Today I realize what falling short of words really means, now that I feel my words are not doing justice to what you really mean to me. Yet I am going to get back home and fight with you and never say “THANK YOU’.

Because No “Thank you” is ever going to be enough for you Maa.

A version of this was first published here.

The image is a still from the movie Secret Superstar

Sangeeta Srivastava

Esoteric

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