Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Accepting yourself as important, and giving others space are some of the things that have helped this author deal with whatever life has thrown at her.
As I near 40, I seem to have this release of many emotions. I am happy and satisfied with my life. I am contented and relaxed. I recognize my strengths and weaknesses and embrace them happily. I do not want to be somebody else nor do I envy others.
I am Anindita. My life has pulled me this way and that way. I have walked over roses and thorns. I have reached the pit bottom of the well. I have partied in the clouds.
I have been a shopaholic. I have cried endlessly. I have written long sob stories. I have fought endlessly with my husband. I have brooded over the fact that I don’t get along or agree with my mother-in-law’s views.
As you can see, it is all about me. But now something has changed.
It is about how you perceive things. I suffer from an obsession where everything has to be kept tidy and properly. Before, I would crib how disorganized others are. But now I realize that I want to keep my life organized and it has nothing to do with what others want.
There has been a lot of turmoil in my life always, and I thus feel the need to keep things organized. I have things getting out of hand. Luck does not favour me. I can’t change people’s nature.
No matter how hard I work, I still fail or make mistakes. I end up getting disliked by people for no fault of mine. By organizing the things I can control, I feel I get a sense of order in my life.
I now like to keep a distance from people. I have a few select friends. I don’t impose on or force my friends to do something.
I don’t mind it when they hang out with their other friends. I am happy if and when they give me time. I keep myself busy by attending plays and shows. I am happy chatting with whoever is available. There are so many topics to talk about like movies, shopping, children, activities etc. Everyone has a different view point. Everybody’s experiences in life are varied. It is this that keeps our life interesting.
Previously I would get very attached to one person and then get miserable. Now I mingle with different people. Every weekend I hang out with a different group.
I share my deepest emotions still with my closest friends. I now know not to trust everyone. People like to hear about your flaws and then they will turn it into a juicy story to share with the whole world.
My husband is a perfectionist and brilliant in his work. Whatever he does, he succeeds at it. He understands how to effectively communicate with people and get his work done. He does not have much emotions or does not show them. He would rather watch action movies than sit and watch a hallmark romantic movie with me.
We had a love marriage. Previously I would think, what is an average person like me doing with him? I would quarrel and fight with him when he disagreed with me. But now I accept that he is different.
I watch the romantic movies by myself. I give him his space. I do things with him like watching plays or going out to eat. We share similar cultural experiences and food choices. I now no longer consider myself average. I know I am better than him in doing housework or dealing with the domestic staff or maintaining relations with his massive family.
We have arguments but they fizzle out after an hour. If I want something, instead of expecting him to buy it for me or give me a surprise, I buy it for myself. I openly say what I want for special occasions. I cherish the bond we have where we acknowledge and respect each other’s personal space and yet love to spend time together.
I have issues in work. My boss just does not like me. But still I work hard and keep a happy face. Where previously I would cry (at home) and say sorry to her a hundred times, now I just move on. I think I did my best. I make myself busy with the next task. I don’t expect any nice words from her.
I have learnt that it is very important to move yourself away from negative minded people. They will not just make you feel hopeless and helpless, but they will drive away your will to be productive.
It is very important to spend your life doing something worthwhile. It can be a simple thing like cooking a dish for yourself or your loved one. The small actions matter more in life.
I do not just use social media as a timepass. I feel people appreciate or like it when you wish them on their birthday; or just leave a comment like “beautiful”or “lovely” on their picture. Somebody has put in an effort to go and pick out a lovely dress. Then they have decked themselves up as per their choice. Let us appreciate that effort. I feel my friends and families love this nature of mine. They feel that in today’s world, people don’t say good things to others out of spite and jealousy. But I just don’t have that feeling of jealousy. If my life is meant to be a walk on thorns, I happily accept it.
I spend all my holidays in going to my hometown. I used to travel when I lived in the USA. Now there are financial constraints. I love watching other people travel around the world.
I don’t know how but I have accepted my situation. I do the things that are in my budget. But I spend an hour everyday in looking at pictures and videos from around the world. It gives me satisfaction to see the world through others’ eyes.
I have realized that there is no harm in giving yourself time. I spend time alone sometimes by just doing nothing. I get transported to the world of no electronics or people, and I just sit. It calms me and makes me happy.
Sometimes I just go out alone and give myself a treat. I don’t care what others think. I just love to enjoy a cup of coffee or buy myself a dress or jewellery just like that. We forget to take care of ourselves.
I am at the age where I think I am more important to myself than anyone else.
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